Why Such Different Levels Of Ascension Pain?

“Like Anna, I also wonder and feel many times like asking you that the First Everythingers like Celia Fenn, Sandra Walter, Lisa Renee, Barbara Marciniak, Aluna Joy, Lee Karol (Kryon) Inelia Benz etc. – do they also feel so awful while going through this AP/EP and for so long like you, me and so many who comment in this forum? I have read a couple of their posts but it doesn’t seem so. Especially those who channel some entities while all of us are going through so much in our lives in the name of AP/EP for nearly 20 years now. So what is the reason for our prolonged agony of AP/EP and theirs not? Do you have some insightfulness from your higher perspective? Please share. Thank you.” — revital71

Anna and revital71 both asked me this in Comments under a previous article. Thank you both for your questions about this confusing and complex subject matter. ❤  There’s a variety of reasons why some Volunteer First Everythingers/Pathpavers experience much more ascension related physical pains and for longer periods than others. There isn’t one or two reasons for this but many. Here’s a few of them. In addition, all of the people revital71 mentioned above are NOT First Everythingers in my opinion, which is why they haven’t experienced ascension caused body pains like many other people have.

Compressed Evolution Is Painful

Some Ascension teachers/writers claim that if you are experiencing ascension related physical pains it’s entirely caused by your ego. That is true and true up to a certain point however it’s not true for most Volunteer First Everythingers/Pathpavers beyond a certain point.

Evolution hurts physically and in every other way too. When wildly higher frequency evolutionary Light energies, energy Waves, NEW codes, consciousness and DNA etc. comes into physical contact with a lower frequency physical human body with a matching frequency ego, consciousness and all the rest of it, it quite naturally causes not only physical pains but psychological, emotional, mental, spiritual and energetic pains too. Not only is the physical body being repeatedly affected by higher Light energies continually pushing Universal, personal and collective across-the-cosmic-board evolution, but everything else is experiencing this too (cultures, societies, global belief systems, religious belief systems, financial systems and beliefs, political, governmental etc.) but each time by slightly higher and higher NEW frequency energies. These evolutionary Light energies have never been impacting each human at the same unchanging level and frequency but have constantly been doing so at slightly higher and higher levels over the past twenty years and counting. The reasons for this are simple; the physical human body, central nervous system (CNS) and complex psyche (and external physical reality etc.) could not handle going from such a dense carbon-based third dimensional dualized level, world and reality up to a much higher, less dense, crystalline-based fifth dimensional level and state of individually integrated unification and consciousness while remaining in their physical body. There are no instant Hollywood special effects with the Ascension Process. It is physically lived one energetic Stair-step at a time over linear time so the physical body, CNS and human psyche survive the colossal undertaking that is Universal evolution happening in this lifetime intact, undamaged and profoundly evolved.

There should be no shame or shaming in evolution. The difficulties, traumas, fears and uncertainties that every human ego goes through because of the natural evolutionary Ascension Process is normal for where we all began this process from! In the lower 3D pre-ascension Earth reality the human ego was lord n’ master and the dominant tool and perceptual lens on all of “reality”, so to suddenly have it start a Process of what it perceives is its unavoidable demise is terrifying so it fights hard for its continued survival, just like all else has that came from the old lower 3D patriarchal world. None of this is pretty, easy or pleasant for the most part but it is normal for compressed evolution. So I repeat, there is no shame or shaming in compressed evolution.

YOUR Volunteer Ascension Mission Ground Crew

Many of the ascension timeline Volunteer First Everythingers/Pathpavers were pre-incarnationally coded to automatically begin the Ascension Process in their physical bodies when the Sun reached the halfway point of it crossing the Galactic Equator around 1998—1999. The ‘Galactic Alignment’ period unfolded from 1980–2016, making the halfway point 1998–1999.

When the great call went out that help was needed with the upcoming Universal evolutionary Ascension Process, those who Volunteered to help intentionally inserted multiple aspects of themselves into different physical incarnations on Earth across thousands of years of linear time in different countries. They did this to individually learn and experience certain things themselves but to help with the Ascension Process that would begin on the physical level many thousands of years in the linear “future”. Many Volunteers intentionally placed different aspects of themselves in different “past lives” on Earth across the astrological Ages, thousands of years apart and most of them in different countries and cultures etc. The reasons this was done was to have varied quantum crash-course educations in many of the great Initiatory Mastery Schools across time around the planet. My past life book The Temple of Master Hotei was one of these, as were two past lives in ancient Egypt, the second one a few thousand years later, and a couple other incarnations in Europe and the UK areas. Why did most of the Volunteers do this? It was deliberate prep Work for the timeline incarnation when the Ascension and Embodiment Processes would begin physically on Earth. They all did this to help the aspect that would be the one physically incarnate during the time of the actual physical level Ascension and Embodiment Processes on Earth. I’m talking about you reading this.

This is why most of you reading this incarnated in this life and time with multiple highly knowledgeable Initiate incarnations and credentials behind you. They all were meticulously planned to take place in locations around the world in different times and cultures so as to best prepare and help THIS aspect of you directly living, embodying, Embodying, seeding and anchoring the Ascension Process and NEW Light energies, codes, consciousness, HighHeart and DNA into you and your body for all future humans and more too.

If some of you are whirling from that larger and more complex realization and perspective of how valuable this version of you actually is —no pressure of course—here comes the extra responsibilities, pains, traumas, wisdom, benefits and integration Work because you are the Ascension Process ‘Standard bearer of your Soul’ (an old Barbara Marciniak’s Pleiadian term) of your entire Ascension Mission Ground Crew.

When those who Volunteered to assist with the Universal Ascension Process placed multiple aspects of Itself into different incarnations in different times in different locations around the Earth, they did so to quickly and thoroughly educate themselves and give each aspect all of the Higher Awareness tools they needed to collectively aid the one aspect that would incarnate during the actual physical Ascension Process time on Earth. There are of course other aspects of US that did not incarnate into physical bodies in the third dimension but continued Working from different higher dimensions, different star systems, galaxies, Light realms and so on. I am however talking specifically about all those aspects of you/You/YOU that did incarnate physically on Earth across linear time to gain firsthand training and knowledge about being human, being physical, being in Duality etc.

As you hold that higher level perspective of yourself/selves and why they did this in your awareness, the next step is to reverse it all because it’s this version of you that’s currently bringing it all Home from the ascending physical dimension. The YOU that Volunteered and sent multiple aspects of Itself into different physical incarnations around Earth and across linear time, did so to quickly collect the necessary firsthand Initiate trainings, higher knowledge and important related experiences in both sexed bodies. YOU did this to aid the last aspect, which is this you reading this with your part of the Mission which is living the Ascension and Embodiment Processes in a physical body and seeding the NEW everything for humanity and more. This aspect of you is the one that’s doing all the other aspects the gift of energetically clearing everything each of them accumulated during all of their incarnations, which they did to help YOU here now. See how they prepared and gifted you with the training, tools and knowledge needed for this life and time of Ascension, and, how you’ve gifted them by energetically transmuting and clearing everything they held within each of themselves from having lived difficult lives learning all the things that were intended to help you do your part of the Ascension Process Work here, now?

You reading this are the aspect that’s been the one clearing all the past karma, traumas, negativity, wounds, etheric scars, negative etheric alien implants, guilt, fears, attacks, being different, being tortured and/or murdered for being the Light throughout the Darkest ages. You reading this are the aspect that’s been Working on resolving and clearing all the stuff and junk from all the other Volunteer Ground Crew aspects. Because of this and other reasons, you have had far more on your Ascension plate than most other people which means you’ve had more physical pains and other issues because you’ve processed far more over the past 20–30 years. Not everyone living the Ascension Process chose this quantum crash course multiple lives across linear time tactic which is why everyone does NOT have the same level of physical pains due to the Ascension Process. Not everyone was willing to risk so much and take on so many more pressures, responsibilities, pain, suffering, knowledge and power on within that one individual aspect—the you reading this—who was designed and greatly aided to incarnate and bring it all Home.

Beware Of The Egos

I know there are some ascension teachers/writers/lectures who have not publicly shared their personal Ascension Process journeys and related physical pains, emotional and psychological difficulties and attacks by Team Dark. I know some of the reasons why some decide to not share them with their readers. I know this because I’m someone who has intentionally shared my personal journey—the good, bad and the ugly of it—with my readers from the start and because of my honesty I’ve come under repeated ego-based, lack of higher awareness attacks, disrespect, preaching and promoting of other people’s information and insistence that I read it and/or someone’s channeled messages by certain readers. In their minds what I write about that’s based on my personal experiences and current Higher Awareness isn’t correct and they try to promote certain other people’s writings on my website. I could have spared myself all this bullshit by not publicly being honest and sharing what I’ve experienced but that’s not who and what I am and is the exact opposite of why I write about the Ascension Process. Light is information, even when it’s dark, unpleasant and painful.

Some Ascension teachers/writers haven’t publicly shared their personal ascension related pains and difficulties because they have always known that ego-based people with little to no Higher Awareness will immediately attack them for being honest, for being “transparent”. Those people are ever ready to lecture you about what all you’re doing wrong. They see your honesty as weakness and automatically attack and insult, disrespect and preach what they believe to be “the truth” at you. They believe you haven’t eaten enough broccoli, haven’t mediated enough, haven’t cleared your energy field enough, are the only evil, haven’t had enough body workers work on your body for you, haven’t read the right channeled material or found the right teacher, guru, book, belief system and on and on. To unaware egoic people your honesty about what you have and are personally experiencing at your current level and ability is entirely wrong because they are stone-cold clueless about embodying (lower case e) the Ascension energies, and Embodying (capital E) your Higher Self/Selves, Crystalline Christ frequency, Triality, Divine Mother Father Source and more. But that’s how egos roll.

More importantly to me is the Work, the journey itself, and oftentimes the difficulties and in this case the downright negativity of what I have, you have, we have personally experienced and learned that’s so important to honestly share with others. Again, compressed evolution hurts, and in this case it’s been negative, dangerous and highly unpleasant at times too because where we started the Ascension Process from was total Darkness and negativity. To me it’s all part of the Ascension Process and no one part of it is better or more desirous than any other. I’m not saying I want any more attacks from Team Dark but I’m also not fixated on bliss or nirvana or any other sort of endless fluffiness, that’s too much old Duality consciousness for me. Get rid of the monsters, open your HighHeart, then keep opening it a lot more and continue doing that because it’s time to let a lotta Source God All That Is is back in and be Embodied. I may feel totally different tomorrow about this but for today, I’m content being this much closer with Source in and through my evolving, Embodying physical body and self. The Conscious Creating fun is up next.

Sensitives, Empaths & Ascension

This one is obvious. If you’re a Sensitive you automatically feel more from everything all the time and always have. If you’re an Empath you feel more from everyone else all the time and always have. Translated, you hurt more because you feel more yourself, and if you’re also an Empath you feel even more than that because you feel what other people feel. How adorable is that? And if all that wasn’t enough, during the current global Dark Night and Separation of Worlds, feeling humanity and Earth, Elementals and animals, planets and Suns etc. has been and often in 2019 is way too much which is another reason abundant quietude, privacy, physical stillness and self-care time is mandatory every day. The majority of pains Sensitives and Empaths have been feeling the past few years is due to the constant NEW and higher Light energies, NEW codes and DNA and simultaneously feeling humanity freaking out from experiencing the global Dark Night. It’s shit-show time out there and we’ve known it was coming for many years but none of that reduces what most of us are feeling coming from humanity and from the end of the global patriarchy. The amplified and in your face polarization taking place around the world is not easy for anyone and very much so for Sensitives and Empaths.

I feel other people whether I want to or not and in the world today with all that’s been going on in so many governments around the world, we empathic folks are being constantly bombarded by other people’s fears, egos, anger, hate, greed, stupidity, panic, lack of discernment, common sense and hourly increasing imbalance. For Sensitives and Empaths, which most Blue Rays and other Volunteers are, just being alive now hurts more in every way imaginable. Whatever, keep Embodying and doing your job but know that you won’t always have to feel them like you have.

Team Light & Team Dark

Another reason many of us have always experienced more Ascension related pains than other people is because we’ve been the first ones under constant attack by Team Dark. It’s because we incarnated with an agenda and Light from Source. We’ve been on the most important Mission imaginable—breaking humanity, Earth and all else out of invisible Team Dark prison. And because Team Dark hasn’t wanted to lose anything they stole long ago, they fight back hard and continuously to survive this Ascension Process and Separation of Worlds and Timelines.

When a group (the Ground Crew) intentionally arrives on Earth to stop you from para-siting off of humanity and Earth anymore, those parasites typically attack that group. They don’t run down the street and randomly attack Joe Blow watching TV guzzling beers or whatever. They attack and continue attacking people within that group who they know are here now to end their reign of terror on humanity and Earth. Not much else needs to be said about this aspect of why some of us experience far more pain and painful attacks etc. than others. If there’s no threat, there’s no attacks.

What Sign Are You?

Another reason some are far more affected by the ascension energies has to do with their ASC — sign ascending or on the cusp of the first house, their Sun sign, house emphasis, element(s) emphasis, aspects and everything natal astrology related. If you’re familiar with Astrology then you know that some signs are naturally far more sensitive than others, and some signs are much less sensitive and so on. So, in all fairness, every persons individual energetic astrological template blueprint—what astrologers call their Natal Charts—should be taken into consideration in all this too.

For those of you with astrological knowledge, and can see into your own current life’s natal chart and understand exactly why you have the planets in the signs and houses and aspects and even transits too throughout the Ascension and Embodiment Process. You know your natal chart from a higher level of awareness and purpose and that is directly connected back to the YOUR Volunteer Ascension Mission Ground Crew information. Don’t you know that YOU would have you energetically imprinted at physical birth in this ascension incarnation with exactly what you needed astrologically to not only learn from this lifetime but do your Ascension Mission Work as a First Everythinger to the best and highest of all your abilities? Every bit and aspect of all this is intentionally created with and for maximum and highest possible end results for this you aspect and for All else as well during this Ascension Process. View your Natal Chart with this in heartmind, along with all the transits that have taken place for the past 20–30+ years or so and you’ll be astonished at the complex perfection of it all. All that’s left is the living and Embodying of IT.

There are more reasons than what I’ve listed for why many of us feel ascension pains more intensely than most but this should give you a good sense of the many whys of it. So don’t ever feel bad for feeling bad via the Ascension and Embodiment Processes because there are many reasons, important reasons why you feel things in such amplified ways. Great job everyone, thanks and don’t stop doing what you’re so great at doing. It’s why you’re here now and much needed.

Denise Le Fay

April 7, 2019


Copyright © Denise Le Fay & HighHeartLife, 2019. All Rights Reserved.

76 thoughts on “Why Such Different Levels Of Ascension Pain?

  • Hi Denise and all

    Just wishing to make the comment that those of us experiencing this process at a very challenging level are not alone because we need a carer or we could not stay in the body. At this stage I can just manage the loo and to have a shower (with a shower chair). The process is also about the development of the carer, family and friends.

    I am doing my best to bring all around me to awaken at deeper levels, to also come from greater awareness and compassion and not fear and crumbling into the “it’s all too much” scenario. Just be practical and strong and keep climbing back up on the horse. It’s okay to be frustrating sometimes but let it go quickly.

    The situation is just not about me it is the breaking down of my ego and those that surround me. It’s a much bigger picture of expanded development.


  • Hey Richard!

    “Anyway I always dream of banquets with unbelievable desserts. Yesterday 04/11 was brutal. The energy was so strong I went to sleep for about 30 minutes in my car between errands”.

    I was so glad to read your comment as yesterday I had a dream that I was at an outdoor gathering and the tables were predominantly ‘sweets’, actually I saw nothing but sweets on the tables when we formed line to serve ourselves, so I said next time let’s have spaghetti or something else to add to tables…. I was going to ask you what sweets/desserts mean to you as yesterday I pondered over what it meant to me, came up with a few things, however as I type this my Higher Self says “Sweets as to Men” Males/Pedophiles are referred to as “Sweet”. I wondered where in the heck that was coming from and then it hit me that the Catholic Church was in the News yesterday as the previous resigned pope Benedict wrote to the now pope on matters of the church..Seems namely they have to change from celibacy or do a better job of selecting ones to the priest hood was commented on in the news….

    Also, you are so there, the energy was definitely Brutal yesterday to the point I could hardly walk around in the house and Ravenous appetite. My daughter said at her Restaurant there was ‘standing room only’ so they had to quit taking phone orders as they were so backed up, says she too was ravenous but didn’t even have time to eat…She is somewhat receptive to light body-ascension though she doesn’t feel it, figure she is second waver.


    • Hi Avian, I was struck by your dream. It actually hit me with a light blast that downloaded some knowledge for me. When I was thinking about your dream, I thought of how so much evil is “cloaked” to look like something sweet. The bizarre opposites thing. Most everything on 3d is upside down. Y’know, a priest is a rapist, a pedophile presents as sweet/kind/caring, offers toys and candy. So evil things are being ‘served up’ to us as something sweet. It makes me think of all the folks who are still going to church when the news is just exploding with reports of rapists saturated through the church even at the highest levels. Perhaps they continue to go to church because it’s foundational for them, and it is scary to step off a foundation when they don’t see any other foundation there to step on to. I think your dream could apply to anything in 3d that is being served up as ‘sweet’ that is really poison. Anyway, a bit of a ramble, but I wanted to thank you for posting your dream; it has helped me realize there is an important action I need to take which will require some bravery and faith.
      Light and love, Debbie

    • About Richard dreaming of banquets and “desserts,” another meaning for SWEETNESS may be the NECTAR or Elixir of the Gods I read about (something many of us are likely to taste at a certain point in our alchemical process of transmuting form).

      Also, a while back I dreamt of a HUGE incoming wave that was towering over everything and everyone, rushing in. It was CHOCOLATE. And as it washed over me, I just enjoyed!

      I think I’ll buy some chocolate or a luscious dessert in anticipation. Must be coming soon!
      Love to all.

  • Hi Denise, hope all is well with you. Wow, this article just blew my mind. I say it is by far THE most informative, important and honest piece out there, thank you so much!

    Lately I’ve been doing nothing but clearing, old memories just seem to ooze out of me; good, bad, neutral, all randomly. I process through them, feel all the associated feelings then give them love and release. I felt like I was descending back into 3D which would send me off into a mild panic but then quickly realize it’s part of the process and tried to ease into it.
    I thought mistakenly I was done with self clearing, how naive of me.

    On the plus side, I have entered a state of calm neutrality. Nothing seems that important anymore, only Embodying. What are aches and pains compared to Embodied Divinity? Haha, I jest, the pains are a constant companion whom I can’t wait to jettison.

    I’m a Pisces with Gemini ascendant. Triple Pisces (tight conjunction, early degrees) Sun, Moon, Mercury in 10th house. Unfortunately the only aspect to them are: square from Neptune and quincunx from Pluto, which I interpret as, needing to cut through the bullshit with extreme prejudice. Exact degree air grand trine of Saturn, Uranus and Jupiter. From a higher perspective I was born to transmute energies from/to the masses.

    Again I wish to Thank You Denise, you amaze me with your strength.

    Love and light to all 🌈🙏❤️

  • E-K Daufin – I completely, 100 percent feel you, and I was going to write a long sympathetic reply saying, ‘Same here’, and though we have never met in 3D, you are never isolated, we are all out here, grimacing, facepalming and managing to haul ourselves through life.
    But instead of that, let me just say: I KNOW, and instead tell you something that’ll cheer you up.

    Some years back, I had a dream, well, we can call it a dream, but it was so real and vivid that I can remember the atmosphere even now.

    In the ‘dream’, I had finished my earth life, and was on some kind of starship, meeting other beings who’d gone through this stuff on earth.
    We were in what my brain saw as ‘a kind of higher-dimensional bar’, which was the nearest earth equivalent I could recognize! 😀
    The atmosphere was WONDERFUL. I and the others, with love, understanding and humor, were sharing our stories, recounting what it had been like down on earth, going over our experiences. Literally like people leaning on a bar swapping stories. It was great!! It was like the warmest, funniest get-together you could ever imagine. And we weren’t just telling our stories, of course the scenes were visible too, like a movie.
    We were cracking up! 😀

    It was like, “You think *that* was bad? Wait, let me show you what happened with my boss in 1996, when I got blamed for everything that had ever gone wrong there.”

    “Oh look, it’s that time you had toothache, and you got fired, and you found your sister-in-law had poisoned nineteen people against you, and that evening your dog died. Oh, look at your face!”

    E-K, you might not believe me, but we were laughing, we could see the humor in it, how we’d struggled on through circumstances that would have sent many people crazy, how we’d had tantrums, despaired, believed we were all alone, etc. Did you ever watch ‘Meet the Parents’, where everything goes wrong for Ben Stiller, but it’s hilarious? Well, kind of like that, we were groaning in sympathy with what each other had had to endure, but it was also very, very funny in retrospect.

    So whenever I feel really low, I remind myself of that ‘higher-dimensional bar.’ One day, we’re going to sit around and share our stories, it’s going to be GREAT, and we can look forward to that! 🙂

    • Oh Thank You Podvig! I saw Star Wars bar scenes and then DS9 Star Treck Bar with holographic smart phones laying in front of us the projecting the holographs automatically while we spoke. If an instant I thought the example was “when your sister (actually poisoned 19 people” and framed you for it! I look forward to that as in the hymn of my childhood “Oh Happy Day.” A million thanks Podvig.

    • Also Podvig, I’ll look for “Meet the Parents” but two movies I used to watch for that kind of help/balm were “ Trains, Planes and Automobiles,” and “Flirting with Disaster”. Another Ben Stiller movie that I still have. Thanks for reminding me/us of these potentially life saving, depression lifting resources Podvig. Thanks for bringing us together Denise.

    • I wish I could say I had a ‘dream’ like that, but…

      On the other hand, this makes SO much sense! Looking forward to when we can all stand around together, share our stories (which will seem utterly ridiculous) and laugh!

      Thanks so much for all the stories shared. Many of these stories are mirrors of my own experience, but these give me perspective, valuable perspective. I know I’m not alone.

      Gratitude & hugs to all!

    • “Some years back, I had a dream, well, we can call it a dream, but it was so real and vivid that I can remember the atmosphere even now.”

      I’m glad you shared this 5D and higher experience — it was very real and not a “dream” as you correctly sensed — with everyone. I’ve experienced this too in slightly different ways but it was and is the same situation of us, mostly the Starseeds but certainly others too, getting together in a higher dimensional R&R sort of place for the Volunteer aspects. From some of these other levels we do share our experiences and have a good laugh over it all which is great fun for everyone. Talk about neutrality! 😉 Get together coffee meetings, gathering around the “campfire” to share experiences, going to higher dimensional “bars” or R&R locations or whatever, it’s all the same thing done for the same higher reasons. ❤

      • Denise, EXACTLY! I’ve been to many meetings in 5D in which I & other starbeings were discussing earth lives – including how many things in, say, the last half of the 20th century, went wrong and didn’t happen as hoped.
        And it’s so funny, because at times down here we’re flailing around. I have to remind myself sometimes that our spirit-team are there 24/7! (Because though I can sense them, I can’t see or have conversations with them 24/7. Life would be easy if I did). 🙂

        • Podvig, Have you tried, asking to see, and hear, your higher team, that you feel so near. They can speak yr native tongue, but use light language. Symbols, pictures, etc etc to help you develope, intuition, and non verbal communications. It like any relationship, takes time to get to know each other. And learn to fully communicate.we have free will, so have to ask
          As 4 me, i know when mission completed, i go back to my ship, for debreif. Llonging to be back, with my star familly. But although i now find humans alien. I find i do so love our blue planet. The wonder, of her, and her journey to 5d, where all life will be safe, and pollution free. like on my ship….. I dont know yet, (not shown), if we will be working, on new earth. But either way, it will be, true home

    • Podvig, THANK YOU for sharing your experience of the higher dimensional bar! That is pure, precious, and I can feel the TRUTH in it in every fiber of my being. It gives such a PERFECT perspective. The HUMOR part is SO important. My (conscious) spiritual journey started with a dream/experience where I was taken to a 5D planet so I could see what unconditional love in action. And it was all PLAY, FUN, and HUMOR. I laughed SO many times on my visit.

      When I had an “initiation” back in 2011 where I experienced my soul fully meld with my human self, there was fearlessness, limitlessness, creativity, and HUMOR. I was FUNNY and thought EVERYTHING was funny too. As that soul meld dips in and out, the humor part is one of my favorite experiences.

      I don’t know who said it but I read this recently, “If it weren’t for acts of selfless service and overwhelming compassion, enlightened beings would probably laugh themselves to death.” Humor and laughter is SUCH a high vibration and when I’m IN it, I know I’m in IT. Thank you again for yours shares.

      Denise, I also laughed out loud at the bird cartoon. That is PERFECT, as is this whole article. It clearly sums up what is indescribably unsummupable (made up word). It is a true act of magic that you were able to articulate it SO WELL and also SHOW US our MAGNIFICENCE in the process. Thank YOU for your self-less service and humor. You are adored on ALL dimensions I’m SURE!

      Love to you, Podvig, and all the beautiful commenters.
      ~ Kate

      • Kate & Podvig & All,

        I am not saying this to try and sell a few more books. I’m saying it because I know reading this particular book will take you to that very special higher place. If any of you can relate to and enjoy the humor aspect of what Podvig and Kate have been talking about, please read The Temple of Master Hotei: A Unique Past Life Memory. If you want more information about it read the Book Reviews at TRANSITIONS and at Amazon. Like I said, this isn’t about money because I don’t earn much from each book sale. This is about Master Hotei, HighHeart, the fifth dimension and why all the humor and sheer joy.

        I don’t know who said it but I read this recently, “If it weren’t for acts of selfless service and overwhelming compassion, enlightened beings would probably laugh themselves to death.”

        There’s a part in my Master Hotei book were he tries teaching past life, other Volunteer aspect me, about intentionally increasing my vibratory rate — what we today call increasing our “Light quotient”. To make his glorious point with this he started laughing about something and intentionally kept going until he physically became transparent and then finally disappeared altogether. My / Jade One’s HighHeart burst open watching him do this with such ease and I realized in that expanded moment that Master Hotei was physical ONLY to continue teaching others in the physical dimension.

        • Ditto the FUN comments, thank you! And ditto about “The Temple of Master Hotei”, thank you, Denise. Caution: When I laugh for the pure humor and joy of it, I snort, hoot, sputter, gasp, generally look like I’m about to expire, but, please, just ignore me. I won’t disappear… working on it… maybe turn blue, but when I surface it’s LIGHT beer all around! Meanwhile, ditto the meetings. Not quite so many consecutive nights recently and still they have a serious tone, but more in line with clean-up squad getting last minute duties, while, alas, the awake times continue to be challenging. One of these nights, we’ll have a meeting and afterwards instead of, “Oh, crap, here we are again in 3D,” we’ll meet in the starship’s bar and we’ll know we’re home. Love, B.

        • Bought it! Can’t wait! (And can’t believe it took me this long!) Looking forward to it, Sister. THANK YOU. I already know I’m going to LOVE it.

    • Podvig, Janice, Denise, Kate & All:

      Dang! I haven’t yet dreamt of meeting up at that Higher dimensional bar, so hope I can still join you. We REALLY need to celebrate once this is over (at least our role in the Shift).

      I have dreamt of being at the drawing board in some kind of Galactic Federation meeting. Participants were sitting around a big table. They seemed perturbed about plan derailments, and I was jotting down everyone’s priorities on some kind of chart as we discussed next steps. Am sure we had A LOT of those meetings!

      Laughter, YES!!! I welcome the opportunity but sometimes … it’s a hard slog getting through the density here. I know our Higher aspects are cheering us on, and probably waiting for us at that bar. All drinks on the house!

      Love to all.

      • Hi Thelma and all,

        I have also been at those meetings and been shown what to do …We are always in white linen. One meeting we are in the clouds and sitting in a larger circle…an elder comes to each of us and he said to me that I was at number 7 and when I was at eight it would begin. ( i haven’ a clue what that meant..other meetings have taken place.in grass like settings on a cliff…beautiful colours and again in white linen dresses. I was told all kinds of things, but I can’t remember.
        And yes Thelma it is so dense here and I sometimes feel that I have been forgotten… I would love to share a giggle at the bar …anytime!

        • Penny,

          Thanks for sharing your experience. It’s awesome that so many of us can remember being at these “meetings” even if we can’t remember what was said. Love the settings for yours. About the “numbers” you mention, maybe it was a level of energetic frequency you needed to attain while in 3D?

          See you at the bar!

        • Dear Thelma
          I appreciate your comment and believe you may be right about the number frequencies. I have recently felt that a “rebirth” is happening right now and expansions are possible soon. 5d IS coming and yesterday I felt the density begin to lift.
          Many thanks

        • Oh darn I was hoping to wear jeans and a t shirt. White linen yuck. Anyway i always dream of banquets with unbelievable desserts. Yesterday 04/11 was brutal. The energy was so strong I went to sleep for about 30 minutes in my car between errands.

  • Thanks Denise for the confidence boost. It was like doing a life review. Honestly I’ve mostly loved the journey we’ve been on but all the surgical and medical stuff really spins out my doubting self…. Having to guess it and go it alone ain’t a bag of fun either. I can see the bigger picture but it must have seemed like a better idea when it was painted than it is while we’re living it.. If it didn’t involve stitches I may just cut off my ear yet! Thank god for you and this site, that’s all I can say…… Still when we’ve all finished trudging through hell and make it back to heaven we’ll relish the experiences.. Love you all, hope I can come for coffee too 🎶💜☕🌿💚

  • Denise, thank you very much for that article. I was especially struck by your mention of “sending aspects out of oneself”. I have a special shelf in my brain for questions, I cannot answer fully yet, and I have been pondering about this for some time and hope you can clarify something for me 🙂
    Like another reader mentioned you can get scared about the ego and glorification when some of your past lives seem to be wellknown persons/entities. Do you think sending out aspects of oneself can mean that you were not actually that person/entity – you just sent out an aspect to gain experience meaning several people could have experienced the same from a certain wellknown life?
    All the best to you

  • Denise,
    I LOVE that bird cartoon! 😀 😀
    You did a great job there, gathering together the main reasons why it’s all a tad more gruelling than ‘a pulled muscle.’
    Birth hurts; ask any mother. And I have SEEN how Team Dark attack those who are most of a threat. They don’t bother going after Mr and Ms Ordinary Muggle! Why would they? I have even had people say to me, ‘Wow, why did he/she target you like that?’ Even they noticed it.

    Interesting story – I once had a neighbor who was schizophrenic. I didn’t really know him, just said hi once a week if I saw him going in, you know.
    After a few months, he came to me, agitated, and said, ‘Could you please stop talking to me? If you come near me or talk to me, the voices in my head get a lot worse, they’re yelling and screaming at me.’
    I was rattled and surprised. I said, ‘But I don’t talk to you! I just say hi to you sometimes.’
    He said that was more than enough, and that if I even greeted him or was within yards of him, the demonic beings would be tormenting him for the next day.
    Nobody else had that effect on him, including my religious/spiritual friends.

    Multiply that by many, and that is what happens to ALL of the first-everythingers … it’s just that most of the (portal) people don’t consciously hear the TD voices shrieking at them to either get you out of the way or to cause trouble for you; it’s just a vague unconscious impulse in them. They don’t like you, but they don’t know why. So we encounter far more pain, trouble and attacks than others. (I have other stories like that, but I think that one makes the point!)

    • Wow Podvig, feeling tears well up. This explains so much of my life!!! My family, former friends, all I had to get up despite my great contributions. And those people in my life asking me why does X target you so, or attack you so, were sure it was my fault for “provoking it.”

      I want more support in my life and am glad for what support I find here in what is unexplainable to so many.

      That is such a Team Evil technique for blaming the First Everythinger!

      Thank you. Will reread this for comfort. I am just so tired of the BS and the isolation. Thank you.

    • An informative story Podvig, TY, about the guy with schizophrenia. Kind of really drives home that in a sense we need to be careful with this sort of population. I’ve worked with special needs populations here and there throughout my life, and since my awakening I have had a sense of the trouble i could potentially bring them and have thought about how to balance that with the light I can bring them. Would love to hear more of your stories. We all learn so much from each other.

  • Dear Denise,

    I laughed out loud at your “bird” and “flying man” image (quote: “I know transformation isn’t easy. I pulled a muscle once.”)

    Thanks for writing this article in spite of all the challenges you are dealing with. Like others here, it helped me to connect a few dots. I know that in recent incarnations I led a monastic life (which is why I feel such an affinity with silence and seclusion/Tibetan singing bowls/gongs, etc.) and this has allowed me to cope with the overwhelming isolation in this one!

    Many of us First Wavers are spread across the globe and cannot even speak of the inner turmoil and reversals we’ve gone through including our Dark Night of the Soul (losing everything, including our so-called “identity”). Yet the isolation has been necessary for us to get a sense of our own Essence and to hear our inner voice, as well as deal with our ongoing physical changes.

    My other takeaway was that the two “golden orbs” I have “seen” near me at various times are probably Higher aspects of myself and not spirit guides as I had assumed.

    Denise, I have the utmost respect for your honesty, Truth and courage … you have shone a steady and much-needed Light in what has for eons been a darkly manipulated world. No one can judge another’s personal journey, but it helps to see the overall picture and this is what this article provided for me.

    LOVE to you and all here.

  • Aho SiStar! I actually lost track of the number of attempts on my life. I Love reading your posts BEcause you bring me back to my truth. Funny to watch other wavers complaining about symptoms after what WE’ve been through. Had to get a massage this past week for muscles in my neck and shoulder. When she was doing my feet, my toe bones hurt so much I couldn’t stand it. Usually I would want a masseuse to stay at my feet forever, but ouch! my bones! Seems I have woken in a lower timeline today, much contrariness and even bank problems, jeez. Can’t I just get back in bed and BE God. Ha! Love you Lots! High Heart Hugs ALL.

  • “Many Volunteers intentionally placed different aspects of themselves in different “past lives” on Earth across the astrological Ages, thousands of years apart and most of them in different countries and cultures etc. The reasons this was done was to have varied quantum crash-course educations in many of the great Initiatory Mastery Schools across time around the planet. “

    Wow! Denise this was EPIC! I so thoroughly enjoyed this entire article. This part really spoke to my heart. Much love to you and everybody in this process.

  • Dear Denise,
    very simply,,,”THANK YOU…for all that you are and the words that you write AND for all that you do!
    and DebC it is never ok for a person ( a supposed lightworker) to blast you like they did…it is wrong on so many levels..a level of cruelty from you know where!
    Much Love,

  • Yes Denise! I began a whole new journey after learning there was in actuality a TD messing in my life, and the disbieving shock at the indifference from those I had been learning from and trusting back in the day. A wall of silence. And from that began a whole new exploration and understanding of myself within the whole. And then began to see that these same well meaning people focused on their students being cocreators and living your best free wonderful ascended life. And charging a lot for these classes. And because I did not know how duality and physical existence “worked”, and because I did not have a realistic understanding about ascension, one finds one self lost and unprepared for all the pain and shit that happens. And now I can find and observe conservative practical teachings that not only teach how it is but gives a head’s up on how to walk it and cultivate holding (developing) high heart consciousness while doing so. (For those of us with zero memory or knowledge, no abilities, but sought to make sense of our “miserable” painful existance). And being offered creating your best most wonderful life in theory was awesome, till we began to inquire inside ourselves, “why isn’t this working?”. So many of us suffered more because we were ignorant, and yes we were then suppose to believe we caused all the problems, it was karma, it was past lives, it was being negative. We were suppose to be positive at all times. In actuality we were being kept at ego or personality level. You need the full pic, know the playing field, know your opponents, and also know who we are as well as what we are not, and its not a pretty 🌈 journey. Even Dorothy had to face some things b4 getting home!

  • 🌷🌷💗Denise you’re the best.
    I have been feeling so bad. Been clearing so much still. But have felt like a living death. Over dramatic maybe! Your article makes sense in so many ways. I have felt so low because I just can’t connect to anyone. No one seems to acknowledge what is happening. In my everyday life that is. Have had to stand up for myself twice the last fortnight. And hold my ground. It’s been very trying.
    But I keep focusing on that bridge on that amazing heart bridge. It keeps me going. The thought that we are creating something brighter, better and more pure.
    Love and light.
    Magda xxxx

  • By far THE best article ever on the Why’s and the What’s, and the Wherefore’s, etc. THANK YOU! When I look back over my journey, I can confirm my blueprint for this incarnation and now it all makes sense, the good, the bad and the ugly, and, Denise, I am so grateful to have had your straight up discussions of same for a very long time. Gawd, we’re brave, ALL of us. My first thought was I need to print this article out, blow it up and wallpaper my living room walls, but then I thought well once I’m out of here, someone may be even more freaked out by the antics of this crazy old lady with a cat, so I won’t. Besides what you write is in my High Heart and even more good is that I GET IT! Much love to you, and to all here. B.

  • Dear Denise
    Thank you so much for your elaborate explaination. Sincerely and earnestly looking towards and hoping for end of this dark night of soul which has stretched way more beyond than I had signed for in my pre-incarnation agreement, I guess 😂😠. I wish there be standby second everythingers or next lot of pathpaver volunteers to take over from here all the beatings, bruises, ugliness of Ap/Ep and me entering into the promised utopian land as a reward for being the survivor of brutalities of AP/EP all these 20 long years. Best regards

  • Thank you so much for this Denise. I have been in extreme and bizarre pain for 5 days and barely able to keep my self and 2 pets alive/going. Stabbing pains, alternating chills and fevers, like I have not experienced in at least a decade. I hardly have any contact with anyone I am sure it is much more than “a bug.” Will try to tip my toe back into 3D again today to survive. Thank you. 💖

  • Thank you for this (and all of your) articles Denise, I will now (and forever) look at my birth chart from a brand new perspective. Talk about enlightenment! Like all of your fans, I admire your perseverance and am grateful for you and your website and your many commentors, all of which keeps me on track. Love and light to all.

  • My Dearest Denise,

    For me, I believe this may be your best article ever. You have described my life in this incarnation perfectly. I let go of everything…. son, highly successful career, beautiful home, entire former life… and jumped into the void in May of 1998 and have been consciously moving along the ascension path intentionally or not 😊 ever since.

    I particularly resonated with the part about different aspects of the Self incarnating to learn different skills. I have recently come to understand that different aspects at different dimensional levels is the essence of multidimensionality and have been increasingly meeting more aspects of my Self. What an amazing ride that has been. I have been aware for quite some time now of many different powerful incarnations I have gone through. And honestly, given what my life has been like here, I didn’t understand how I could have had those lives and been caught up with some of the things that have gone on in this lifetime. I should have known better. Well, now all the puzzle pieces fit together after this article.

    You have helped me hang in there and come to understand so many things about my passage here that I can’t thank you enough! You have my greatest gratitude. I will say that for me the rewards of all this work are finally flowing in. The Light is winning and that is showing up in small subtle yet important ways everywhere. Thank you so much for SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH. It gives me the courage to speak mine.

    Much Love,Light and Peace 💖🌠🌈

    • “For me, I believe this may be your best article ever.”

      Thanks Adrienne. ❤ Believe me when I say that it's so satisfying for me to write in those rare times when I can think clearly and not get lost and remember everything I intended to write about! Sadly that does not happen enough for me, even with my taking notes beforehand, and in the end I'm not happy with what I've written and yet the info needs to get out asap.

      Over these ascension years I have many times thought about, and complained about, how THE most important and needed information ever, and I mean that, is being written about while the author(s) is living the Process and usually is in varying degrees of physical pain and their linear consciousness has been Rewired to go quantum, which is great, unless one needs to hold awareness in place long enough to get linear sentences physically written in that same linear manner!!! O_o Most important information ever and most ascension writers/teachers etc. are so deep within the Process themselves that it takes monumental effort, desire and focused intent to push through increasing quantum beingness and all else to write about it in this slow, linear way. This is part of the AP and EP processes too however so the quality of each article varies greatly unfortunately. Just is what it is for me at least. Thanks again. ❤

  • Very pertinent comments Denise!
    I have wondered about those who write ascension but never mention symptoms.
    One other thing that may be relevant is that some bloggers only want to wrote about ‘positive’ stuff. These ones constantly advise to keep your energy up with the positive and never mention pain and other negatives.
    Some of these also hold a view that they, and we, are to be role models for the light and so we shouldn’t fail at this by being anything other than positive it what we say to others.
    One of these bloggers was disparaging of those she saw as ‘being victim’ to ascension symptoms by mentioning or complaining about them,
    Others are into being careful of words you use in case they create a reality you don’t want as a result. Mentioning pain then would be seen as a focus on the negative and create poor outcomes.
    I don’t think we are the only ones struggling with these symptoms either. I clicked on a Facebook quote I liked and was taken to a guy (***** ***** removed by Denise) I wouldn’t have normally sought out. He is into Pleiadian messages and refers to UFOs, landings etc. I usually go to some more purely spiritually focused old timers.
    Why I mention him is that he seems to ask his followers (over 14,000 I see) at the end of each message, what ascension symptoms they are currently experiencing. He gets over 100 comments much like ours. He advises his members of incoming energy and seems to have a divine flavour to his stuff.
    So there maybe others out there getting these symptoms in different specialty subgroups too, but we don’t usually hear about them.

    • “Some of these also hold a view that they, and we, are to be role models for the light and so we shouldn’t fail at this by being anything other than positive it what we say to others.”

      Thank you Lyn for saying all you did in your Comment. What I quoted of it above is another perfect example of the undeniable energetic difference between those individuals who have actually embodied the Light and those individuals who mascaraed themselves as if they have.

      I know one ascension teacher/writer that promotes this, and because her Sun is in Libra, this issue is a strong personal desire for her. I have four planets in Libra myself but none of them are my Sun! I know the Energy Signature each person emits whether they want to or not, cannot hide their Light or their lack of it and other energies. It’s there or it’s not and how a person speaks, acts, writes, moves their body, looks and behaves etc. should NOT be judged as the way to tell if a person is “evolved”, is “spiritual” or not. I totally understand this but this type of thinking is I feel promoting the old 3D consciousness of intentional deception, which is rampant now in society. It’s all external glossy con stuff with zero real inner anything. I really hope you get what I’m trying to express here. As you probably know, I don’t believe in enabling the unaware; I believe in being the Light and saturating them in IT, not trying to sound and look pretty or angelic or superior to influence them with old ego-based deceptions.

  • Hi Denise,

    Thank you for this profound post. In answering Anna’s and revital71’s questions, you’ve provided me (and many of us here, I suspect) with the most illuminating explanations I’ve ever read as to why we undertook the karmic journeys that each of us has “endured” to arrive at this point on the timeline to Conscious Ascension and the Embodiment Process. You’ve articulated it all so lovingly, and I am grateful to you more than you could possibly imagine.

    Because of this article, I now understanding more clearly than ever why I’ve experienced the many losses and debilitating grief that has been an aspect of this incarnation…I understand the reasons for my pilgrimage to Tibet in 2000 and the beginning of my EP…my “conversations” with the Sun since my Uranus opposition…the “reason” for the 5 planets in my 8th House of Death/Transformation and Inevitability…retrograde Chiron conjunct my Ascendant…my coming to the US from Cuba as a boy…and etc, etc. with so much else. I am now able to put all of these details and more into a comprehensive context as to why I “volunteered” to incarnate at this time and assist with the planetary Ascension…I’ve never before been able to do that…so once again I thank you most sincerely for helping me to untangle this thread.

    Pardon me for going on…and I concur wholeheartedly with Salvatore’s (and everyone else’s) deep appreciation of you and the accolades. If the two of you ever meet for coffee, I hope to be there!

    HighHeart thanks to you always, Denise…and my greetings to all here…

    • I would so enjoy and love/LOVE to physically get together with you Raymond B. and Salvatore and everyone else and just talk ourselves right into NEW Earth now! 😉 We’re doing it anyway but it certainly would be great and joyous fun to have a Volunteer’s Family Reunion in the physical with all of you. ❤ ❤ ❤

  • Blessings for this awareness shared ……….only mention I have received of multiple lifetimes and pain , distortions that are limitless but also fragmented…….my experience of 30 years on this path has been undefinable and powerful as its depths blow me away and I disappear amidst the process……….Everything past and future lives thro me and I am living my souls journey , sharing and blessing this lifetime amidst the complexities of lives that are shared ….neutrality……never seeking …..always receiving……that which is questionable but ultimately has no reference point other than being here and Now…..presence in the unexpected…….seeing beyond any human limitations and being the loving presence of “all that is”…….non manufactured but complete and natural…….life is full of surprises amidst the agonies of physical embodiment……continual releasing …….phew..!……..thankyou for being here blessed one…..Namaste…..

  • To me, mentioning the physical symptoms of ascension were binding them to my reality.
    It was my decision to just get through it without…dwelling on it. Believe me – was in the
    emergency room on several occasions in last 10 years; however it was also very intimate,
    for often I knew what it was I was transmuting or shifting genetically, ancestrally and personally.

    • “To me, mentioning the physical symptoms of ascension were binding them to my reality.”

      Kathleen, are you ascending your physical body in a physical incarnation on physical Earth in a physical reality? The rest of us are.

      I never said anyone needed to fixate on their ascension side effects, I was just answering a couple questions I’d been asked about why some have them much more severely, and longer, than other people. Team Dark have existed but no one needs or should fixate on them exclusively either. These things just are and we Work through them all which is what you were saying. Neutrality. 🙂

  • Denise, you have out done yourself. Sharing your most personal experience can only prove to touch others even more deeply and assist not only in understanding, but also in self love and compassion for our individual processes. Sometimes I feel such a parallel experience with you, I want to meet for coffee. I just taught a day workshop in Astrology and you could have been my twin the way you explained interpretation from the higher perspective. There is no doubt we have traveled multiple time lines together. I love and support you in whatever you choose to share. Self expression and writing publicly at this level takes guts. Standing in your truth fully directly influences your power to attract those that need exactly what you offer. I should know, my life is reflecting back to me those who love and appreciate what I share too. Mostly.

    Funny story. April 4 was my birthday. I send a gratitude email to my peeps, full of love and appreciation. One woman replied I should have an email service to allow people to unsubscribe. Please unsubscribe me. How hysterically funny and ironic that of all the emails she received, the birthday one was the one to make a suggestion and leave the list. As an empath I could feel her underlying lower emotions or simply a team dark energy as you might say. Maybe I needed to clear a past life connection. I then moved into gratitude for the confirmation of my initial sense of her when we first met and that she voluntarily chose to exist my reality.

    • Happy Aries Birthday Salvatore. ❤ ⭐

      Please unsubscribe me. Gawd, typical — get that damned friggin’ love and appreciation out of my space you shithead! What in the hell were you thinking?!

      Again my friend and ascension co-Worker, Happy Aries Birthday, and Thank You. ❤

    • Happy birthday Salvatore! I am a fellow Aries. My birthday is on the 12th. I concur with what you said to Denise. Much Love, gratitude and appreciation. Would love to join you all for coffee. 💓

        • Debbie C, you don’t know how special THIS and YOU are! These heartfelt words mean so much to me. I have a hard time around this date and your LOVE touched me deeply. Thank you dear HEART!

  • Denise, Wow what an article! It has been so helpful. Pardon my looong response.
    You said: “They believe you haven’t eaten enough broccoli, haven’t mediated enough, haven’t cleared your energy field enough, are the only evil, haven’t had enough body workers work on your body for you, haven’t read the right channeled material or found the right teacher, guru, book, belief system and on and on.”

    I’ve been there. I was blasted with: this is all your fault, KARMA! Boy has that concept been twisted into a weapon. I have struggled with this. Your explanation is I think the final piece of the puzzle for me. As in, we lightworkers have dropped into multiple dark timelines through ancient time to the present to learn what we needed to know in order to succeed (part of our training). I always thought that, in a more vague sort of a way, it was kind of like a knowing I had. But right along with that I also felt kind of like I had a huge ego for thinking that, y’know…delusions of grandeur, there were seeds of doubt in me, insecurities and fears about myself. But I wasn’t really looking at them, they were kind of pushed aside, and I was like yeah, I’m a lightworker, go me!

    But then a couple of years ago I decided to talk to one of the lightworker/teachers I was following online, because I was just in so much pain and everything that could go wrong was. And before I could even launch into my story, she told me it was the dreaded Karma, and that I was operating in the land of victim consciousness. And she told me I was angry! I said, I’m not angry! and she blasted away at me, I couldn’t get a word in edgewise, telling me I was angry and my energy was terrible and that she was very empathic and she could feel it, and she could see it in the way I held my jaw; and that my energy was so bad that her cat had to leave the room (!) It seems funny now, sort of (not really), but she got me. I was stunned. They know right where your weaknesses are and how to hit them. I learned a lot from her though. I learned about gaslighting, and hypnosis techniques and how these have been used on me all through my life. Well, all my doubts came crashing to the surface to be dealt with. I wondered, is this karma? am I a monster? am I an angry monster? am I an angry monster with a savior complex and a runaway ego? am I a soul in struggle? What exactly am I? Because I have been so much in the dark, deep in the dark, all of this life. And not only that, I have remembered bits and pieces from other timelines where I have been the dark, where I have been the monster. That was HARD for me to see. It is hard for a light soul to come here and go into this darkness, and to BE the darkness as part of their mission. And y’know I’ve asked my team, struggling with all this knowledge, what am I exactly? I know what I think I am, and I know what I am in my heart, and I know what I want to be. But the fact that I have been in the land of monsters forever and a day, and I have been one of them, just had me all tied up in knots. And tonight reading this wonderful article I got a very clear answer. I had just read this part: “Another reason many of us have always experienced more Ascension related pains than other people is because we’ve been the first ones under constant attack by Team Dark. It’s because we incarnated with an agenda and Light from Source. We’ve been on the most important Mission imaginable—breaking humanity, Earth and all else out of invisible Team Dark prison.” when exactly then there were 8 consecutive booms in the sky outside. Synchronicity! My team saying: “you’re alright kid, quityer worrying, you’re one of us.” So thankful. As Ra said, one of my favorite quotes: “Are you not all things?” Yes, I am the light and I am the dark and I am a lightworker and I love humanity that much. So yeah, I am pretty cool after all. It’s okay to think that, because we all are immense super-cool wild and crazy warriors of the light. Yes we need to keep our egos in check, but we also need to honor ourselves. WE ARE FIERCE. With our gray hair and our canes and our aches and pains, WE ARE FIERCE.

    It has been …. insane …. here, like some kind of insane nightmare. Almost beyond comprehension. I can’t believe the degree of darkness I’ve encountered. Of course we’re in pain. We first responders have descended into the density equivalent of a granite block, and have had to blast our way out of it.

    And I should add, they, team dark, are really not wanting us to be ANGRY about all of this. Hmmm… I believe in the power of anger, righteous anger, used wisely. All through my life I have been trained by my team dark abusers to not be angry. Anger is bad. Anger is dangerous. Anger is evil. They are afraid of our anger, because, well because that is an emotion whose power and potential they can understand (unlike LOVE for instance). Oh well, that’s a whole other deep topic, the place of anger in all of this. Hugs, Denise. This article has so much more to tell me, a lot more to absorb, sure I’ll be reading it many more times. Thank you sister light for shining for all of us. Respect.

    • Debbie C, I really related to what you said. I’m sorry that woman was so cruel. You ARE fierce.

      In 2016, I was pregnant with my youngest. I’d felt her spirit for years beforehand, and it took enormous courage for me to bring her into the world because I get really sick with hyperemesis gravadirum during pregnancy (bedridden for months with extreme nausea/vomiting, etc.). Even though I didn’t have conscious AP/EP awareness then, I did a lot of energy/spiritual clearing and healing work alone and with help from others to choose joy over fear in conscious conception of this powerful spirit. That felt extremely important, and I did it. I’d honestly convinced myself I would not get sick that time! But then I did. For awhile it threw me into a tailspin of doubt and fear— was any of that healing work I had done even real? Of course, yes. On a spiritual level, I was much stronger and didn’t get pulled into the depression I had before. I started viewing the experience from a higher perspective as a huge opportunity to heal stuff for my ancestral line going forward and backwards on a very deep level and tried to remember that, even when draped over the toilet. I could see my soul having volunteered to do it. But there were definitely a lot of times I’d feel sad and cry about it, because it wasn’t easy. And then someone close to me (who has since genuinely apologized) told me I just needed to be more positive and that I was “attracting” the experience through my negativity (i.e. being honest about how I felt). I was heartbroken. But it also innoculated me in a way, by opening my eyes to the fact those ideas weren’t true, because some part of me KNEW that’s not why I was going through such a hard time physically.

      Denise, your articles have helped me tremendously to really understand/anchor that going through something hard is NOT a sign that I have failed, that I’ve done something wrong, that I’ve called it to my experience by being negative, etc. I still have to remind myself in the moment, but that conscious awareness is everything. THANK YOU for being real with us. ❤️🔥❤️🔥

      • Kara, Thanks for your kindness. You have such a kind gentle energy coming through your posts. Love this: “I’d felt her spirit for years beforehand” – that’s beautiful. Lucky you, with two little ones, that is the magic love bubble age, I remember it well, it feels like you and the kids are in a safe little love bubble. You are fierce too, fierce mama love warrior. That was a tough pregnancy you had to battle through to bring your baby into matter. My kids are 18 and 20. It feels weird to have a 20 year old! I look in the mirror and say ‘who is that aging lady with a gray bun?’ It feels like I’m wearing some silly costume. Are you by any chance a Cancer?
        Hugs to you and everyone here, Debbie

        • Thank you, E-K Daufin and Debbie! 💗

          No, I’m not a Cancer, Debbie, but I have a lot of water—rising Scorpio and Pisces Moon (sun Libra). It’s very hard for me to imagine my kids at those older ages because I don’t expect we’ll be in Kansas anymore, Toto. 😂 I actually have three girls: 7, 5 and 2! I tried to retire after the first two because of the pregnancy sickness, but Violet had other plans and she is pure sunshine. I shudder to think of her not being here if I hadn’t been willing. Definitely worth it.

          Your kids are lucky to have a mom who is tuned in and able to help them through these crazy times. My mom is, too, and I don’t know what I’d do without her. Love to all!

  • Denise, this article is very enlightening and validating for me. More pieces of the puzzle continue to fill in. Thank you so much for sharing all that you know, in the way that you do. xoxo

  • Thank you so MUCH, Denise! (mee, since 1980…)Just wanted to note that Celia Fenn, and ESP Aluna Joy, have been fllattened.. over the years . Aluna speaks of this all the time! As do most others. Just about everyone I know, too.. but are ‘clueess. keep running to docs who cna’t find anything wrong.. .Thanks for prviding this comments forum – it certainly helps me.. so many have died around me over the past 4 weeks,fro maround the globe.. hahaha. .Feel like the KAnsas song, :Dust in the Wind.. today!!! trance dance dance haha.falling asleep/dreamingbefre I ‘m ‘asleep’… sense / no -sense!

  • Thank you Denise, I received 2 “about pain” messages this morning, so I could understand more about my own. Reading your post gave me new understanding of how physical pain is related to Ascension and when I looked at my own, dominoes began to fall and new awareness followed. Now I can take appropriate action.
    I am one of the quiet ones who very much appreciates your voice.

    • Denise,
      It’s perfect. It describes our experiences and mission as well as anything I’ve ever read. When I experienced my kundalini opening in the mid 80’s I kept hearing I would just have to “bear it”…I guess that phrase was shorthand for “standard bearer of my soul”. I would also see the word soul as Sole. Funny how the dots connect even now.
      I’ve been missing for a bit, missing this community, but couldn’t lift my head. My mom passed after many painful years culminating in an unholy 6 months. I hate very much to ask this but need to…did our loved ones agree to all of this? She suffered in ways I would not describe here. I am filled with grief, expected, and guilt, at a level I couldn’t have anticipated. I knew much of her anguish was because I was present in her life. Podvig’s comment articulated what our presence can mean to those around us.
      Many blessings to you and all my fellow travelers.
      Much love♡sz

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