An Astral Thrashing by Ancient Giants

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Before we can talk about the improvements unfolding in 2011, I want to backtrack us a bit for contrast and reflection. I could write a book based on this topic because it’s so amazing and such a profound change to what reality has been on Earth for my almost sixty years. I’m talking about the now steady and increasingly obvious decrease of the Dark Ones/the Negatives/Team Dark from our reality and lives. Here are some examples of this increasing shifting and departure of them from a few recent multidimensional experiences I’ve had.


On November 6, 2010, I had one of the most interesting and informative lucid dream encounter I’ve ever had, and I have had some whoppers! I was lucid in this dream from the first moment because the dream had been designed and created by a Dark One. He wanted to talk face-to-face with me so he created this “dream” setting for me to make sure I got his entire message, which I most certainly did. He created this dream setting to look like the old house I lived in during the most difficult years of my early biological Ascension Process where I’d been under constant demonic attack for four horrific years. [See A Lightworker’s Mission]. He wanted me to be very consciously aware that it was he and his kind behind all of the Dark attacks I went through at that house from 2000 through June of 2004.

In this lucid dream, which was not a “dream” at all but an actual meeting in the fourth dimension (4D Astral), this Dark One and about five or six of his buddies were waiting for me in the backyard of this other house. From my perspective I just suddenly found myself in this already started dream, which is usually a sign that something other than you has designed it and intentionally pulled you into it for a specific reason. So there I am all of a sudden, lucid in the Astral and back at this other house looking up at about seven incredible giant Beings; Dark Ones that were not Reptilians but something else. Their bodies were all the same but their non-human faces were slightly different, as human faces are, and they were wearing costumes which were intended to further intimidate and frighten me. They didn’t however but looked rather ridiculous. We’ll get to that in a second.

So there I am standing outside in full daylight in this astral meeting with about seven of these ancient humanoid Dark Ones. They all were around twenty feet tall; I estimated this from marking where the highest peak of the house roof came on their bodies which was around their waists. In other words, they were some HUGE, ancient, giant Dark Ones and they got my attention for sure! Now here comes the funny costume part; they all were dressed in stereotypical biker outfits. Black leather pants, vests with “colors” on the back, chains, spike collars, wide leather cuffs and all the other typical old bad-ass motorcycle biker dude costuming from the sixties and seventies. Seriously, I should get an award or metal or something for not busting into a belly laugh seeing twenty-foot tall Dark Ones trying to look extra mean n’ nasty by wearing old “Hell’s Angels” biker costumes in my backyard! I just stood there staring up at this group of non-human, non-physical Dark Ones trying to further intimidate me and couldn’t believe what I was witnessing. Their size and unpleasant non-human faces alone was enough, but thankfully for me the old “Hell’s Angels” biker outfits took the edge off of the entire situation.

After a bit the head Dark One leaned down, picked me up, and held me close to his ugly non-human face and gave me a good hard thrashing! I was the size of a rag-doll in his huge hand as he shook me, yelled and screamed viciously at me and clearly let me know how much he HATED my goddamned Forerunner Starseed Lightworker ass and how seriously I have ruined his plans, his life and lifestyle, his fun, his ruler-ship over humanity and Earth blah, blah, blah. His buddies watched with great pleasure as their Boss spewed hatred in my face and shook me around in his giant clawed hand. And, as amazing as all this was because it was “real”, was that I wasn’t nearly as frightened as I would have been had it happened a few years ago. I was lucid of how I was emotionally feeling and what I was thinking during this designed intimidation tactic by these particular Dark Ones, but I was rather surprised by my lack of fear.

Of course it helped tremendously having these giant giants costumed in old-school biker regalia, plus it helped tremendously having the main Dark One telling me his secrets and how I (as a Lightworker) had ruined his species way of life and their food and fuel supplies (humanity) and so many other things I couldn’t believe it! I kept thinking to myself while this Dark One was raging in my wee astral face, “My god Denise, listen to everything he’s telling you in his wild rage because he’s revealing tremendously important secrets. Do not pull the ripcord and wake yourself up yet. Wait until he’s done telling you everything.”  So I remained and endured him raging at me about what a miserable day he and his kind were having all because of what me and my kind have done. Instead of fleeing the astral scene as I usually do in these types of astral abductions, I remained until this Dark One had finished his rant at me and then I got the hell outta there and woke myself up!

This was a big deal for me to NOT be so frightened and NOT escape when things got too scary because I do know how to wake myself up and escape when needed. This also told me a lot about how much I’ve personally grown, and about how much the Light has done to cause the Dark Ones to not be able to stay within the still increasing Light Energies here.


On February 22, 2011 — 2-22-11 — I started out having a very nice dream but it kept morphing into bad, then into worse, and then much worse. Once the nightmare reached that ultra-icky sick blood n’ guts violent point, I did pull the astral ripcord and woke myself up. Problem was—as it often is—I didn’t leave this nightmare in the 4D astral plane, it was right there in my physical bedroom hovering above me near my ceiling! “It” is what caused my nice dream to morph into a gory, sick nightmare.

Once I was awake from the nightmare I could easily see in the natural night’s darkness this mass of unnatural Blackness hovering about a foot below my ceiling like a large 4D astral oil spill. It was wider than my queen-sized bed and took up nearly the entire square footage of my bedroom ceiling. I’ve had many attacks over the years from this same type of mass Blackness that’s darker than the darkest night, and in years past these attacks would leave me severely ill for a couple of months. My point is that I was well aware that I was going to be fighting for my life and well-being as soon as I awoke and saw this 4D canopy oil spill Blackness hanging over me in bed. What happened next however was an absolute first in my life and that is what’s really important about all of this.

Once awake and aware that I was in for another serious battle for my health, sanity, multidimensional energetic well-being and possibly my very life, I went into hyper-aware, hyper-sensitive Light Warrior mode while simultaneously taking mental notes of the entire situation. The thing with negative Beings is that, no matter what shape, disguise, or costume “It” puts on, you know what “It” is because “It” cannot change or alter “It’s” energy signature to save “It’s” life. “It” is what “It” is no matter how clever or creative. “It” always feels exactly the same no matter what because “It” has not changed one little bit. Nasty is nasty is nasty period.

So there I am yet again fighting my way through another attempt upon my Forerunner Lightworker life by the Dark Ones, but, there’s one HUGE change to this familiar attack; “It” cannot move down any lower to attack or touch me! My god this is a minor miracle and something that’s never happened before. Now I’m not saying this attack was easy because it wasn’t and it lasted for an hour and a half and was very intense and exhausting. However, “It” could not drop down any lower and literally, repeatedly, pound on my head like an actual assault as “It” has in years past. So, what’s changed and why?

We’ve gone deep enough into this battle at this point (2-22-11) that the Dark Ones cannot effect me (a Forerunner, Starseed, Lightworker, Gridworker, Embodier) in the same ways they have because the Light has returned and is taking back and filling up this world and so much more. The Dark Ones are on their way out in other words and I cannot tell you what this means to me after 59 years of having to deal with them and their endless attacks throughout this life. For me to repeatedly and vividly be shown just how much has really changed energetically, both within my Denise self and the Earth world and the Astral and beyond, is so incredibly rewarding… and the best is yet to come!


Moving right along.

May 12, 2011 I had a dream attack which really amazed me. It’s almost—dare I say—comical. So I’m dreaming early this morning and find myself in some unknown neighborhood in some unknown city somewhere walking down the street at night alone. Suddenly a pack of dogs comes running towards me from down the street. Normally this would have sent me scrambling for that astral ripcord in a hot second, but, my-oh-my how things have changed in a few short months since November 2010!

No I do not escape the dream attack but turn to look at the pack of barking dogs running wildly towards me with the intent of ripping me to pieces in the street. I noticed they were different sizes and breeds but that they all are beige in color. That told me that the Darkness ain’t so dark no more (May 2011) but is now more of a matte beige color. Go ahead and have a good giggle over this symbolism, gawd knows I certainly did.

So as the pack of beige dogs reach me I magically produce — are you ready for this — a large bed pillow to whoop-ass with. Yes, a bed pillow to beat off a pack of attacking beige dogs, alone, in the night. Ya gotta love it. So there I am in the street pillow popping attacking dogs left n’ right with my Kung Fu Light-infused Bed Pillow of Destruction. I sent every dog that attacked me flying through the air and dissipated them into nothingness. But again, the most important point in all this for me was that I was totally and completely emotionless about this whole business. I had NO fear, NO anger, NO aggression, NO hate, NO nothin’ but poppin’ attacking beige Hell Hounds back to Source. I felt like one of those old rock-solid Kung Fu movie warrior goddesses calmly whoopin’ ass with the greatest of ease. I’ve never ever felt this before in my life and it was good, really good.

I said a couple of months ago that one of the things I wanted for myself now was to finally evolve beyond reacting to lower or negative frequency situations, attacks, and people etc. I no longer want to respond in that old lower emotional way and my dream of fighting off attacking beige dogs with ZERO emotions one way or the other was a huge symbol for me personally. When I look back over the past few months like this to get a better understanding and perspective, I see just how much has really improved on multiple levels for me personally, but also with how much has improved collectively in this dimension and others. I also know that this is just getting rolling now in early 2011, and that it will unfold exponentially week by week and month by month through to the end of the Mayan calendar on Oct. 28, 2011, and then the great transition through the 11-11-11 portal of November 11, 2011. Reality will be increasingly unrecognizable and in completely positive ways.

From a direct and intimate face-to-face rage-fest with what I believe were an ancient group of giant Nephilim beings, to unemotionally popping attacking astral hell hounds back to Source in seven short months is pretty impressive, especially after nearly six decades of living in a totally Dark controlled world. Hang in there everyone because the best really is right around the corner at this point.

Denise Le Fay

May 12, 2011

Copyright © Denise Le Fay & TRANSITIONS & HighHeartLife, 2011. All Rights Reserved. 

57 thoughts on “An Astral Thrashing by Ancient Giants

  • Septembo – Thanks for your comments, I totally understand about the tree – and you are right it is the same situation. You wrote: “Bottom line looks like the tree is absolutely safe and all right and will continue to be so.” I hope that is true and it all works out and I will hold that vision. I also am holding that little Stevie (who isn’t so little anymore but still young) is safe and all right. I still feel like I abandoned him; I know he thought this was home and I did too. I see him on petfinder, green pets america and one other pet adoption site, and it still is breaking my heart to see him there looking for a home. He did not have a place to run here, which he truly needs, and I believe his new foster parent has a fenced yard for him-so he may be happier there and I surely hope so. He was such an awesome pup, I think he is well integrated into 5D and I thought he was such a gift, please hold the vision that he gets a loving home with someone that will appreciate his wisdom and loving ways. Many thanks, love and light to all of you.

  • Thank you Denise and Debra. Denise’s May 15 reply to Debra:

    “..not being able to help or deal with the situation in the same old lower ways of the past. That to me was the message for you, for many of us now in 2011.”

    “..there’s no more time to waste with things, people, situations, belief systems, old lower habitual ways of looking at and/or doing things”

    Debra for you it was a puppy, for me it’s a tree. I dearly love nature and especially this one beautiful vibrant tree in the backyard. Heart love and real communication there. Due to renovations I’ve been very worried about a potential harmful effect on the tree. I’ve been googling, phone calling, gathering facts and trying to figure a way. Putting together a case to persuade people with. Straining, efforting, worrying, trying, fearing.

    Today I got it (yet again). The old ways of problem solving do not fit here! They just don’t. The ways that do fit now are so heart felt and so powerful.. Bottom line looks like the tree is absolutely safe and all right and will continue to be so.

    • septembo,

      Well done you! 🙂

      The old ways don’t work any longer for us because we’ve evovled beyond them and are now at the phase where we’re RE-learning how to Consciously Create & Co-Create from our unified High Hearts and not our old past polarized left brains, the sweat of our brows, our disconnected ego selves etc. etc. We’re all getting this message over and over again in different ways with different things until we’re each fully aware of what we’ve evolved into now. 😉

      Thanks for sharing your latest sense of self changes with us all.

  • Debra,

    Thankyou so much for your support, It means alot to me. I have struggled with this child since he was a teenager. My son is living in transitional housing for the mentally ill,he has his own room and pays rent, but he has no memory of why he is there. He blames me for kicking him out and doesnt know what I went through with his bizarre behavior or how hard it was to get him into court enforced treatment. My immediate family has also passed away, so I haven't much support either. Once again thankyou for caring, I struggle with the guilt daily. The real issue is were living in Az but were from northern Ca. and he wants to go home but its so expensive he cant support himself their without living with me. I however do need to leave Az but at this stage in my ascension I cannot tolerate living with TV, video games and people without some degree of awareness of whats going on the planet, so living with him it out of the question. He equates this with I never loved him and I just want to get rid of him and leave him in a strange place. Like Ive said he lives in subsidized housing, which if he maned up would lead to his own apartment. He has a casemanager, he gets to come and go as he pleases, there is no staff living in the house, he shares with 3 other scitzaphrenics, its in a great neighborhood he really is blessed to be in the program he is in but to immature to realize it. So in Ca. there are no programs like this and no one to really see about him. last year he moved out and went there only to be sent back to me within 4 months barely able to hold a conversation, un bathed for weeks afraid of soap, toothpaste, deoderant etc. Hes never been interested in life has no idea how his lifestyle affects me and his little brother. Right now ascention and my spirtual growth are the top priorities for me and even my son cant stand in the way of this. I thankyou once again for your support everyone. Now Debra, I too have to go back to work. I have had the luxury of being on social security for a couple of years while dealing with the bulk of my ascention symptoms mental, physical,emotional, and spiritual and now am terrified of getting back out there. I would  resolve to be broke but Im supporting my youngest son, who is clearly here in support of raising humanity vibrations so I am obliged to feed and clothe him. I do believe sometimes we are forced back into unpleasant situations to heal them and come to a better understanding of why we put ourselves there in the first place so good luck with the new job I hope you will be happy there and meet like minded souls. Namaste.
    • Dedtra,

      Yes, be strong and know you are free to live the Ascension Process and not be held back or totally miss it due to your mentally ill son. The guilt could really mess you up over all this but you KNOW what’s what and what you must do in the end for yourself and your younger son. Be strong.


  • Thanks Denise for reminding me of the 12D shield of Lisa Renee’s. I have the cd but for some reason I never manage to listen to it, all my own doing I know. I have the command and I will read that every night too. Thank you so much or reminding me when you wrote to Vervain about it.

    loads of love to you and everyone in this little community.

  • Dear Denise and everyone here,

    There is so much in this latest post and all the comments… All timely once again, how amazing to always read exactly what’s needed at the time!

    Vervain, I hear you and feel for you. I lived in your neighbourhood for some years until only recently when I was abruptly removed… too long a story but basically it seems I was doing some astral level work and had to be moved to safer ground. So know that such a change can happen like a lighting bolt, especially in these times… I did not meet anyone of “us” while there, although I sensed there were – I guess those who carry and consolidate Light over there, have to keep a low profile. What is now so lovely is that although physically so far from each other, we can so easily connect in Light – this Transitions here is the proof!

    So much I don’t find words for these days… change is so rapid, I hold on and just observe, I feel very hopeful these days, as noticing small yet fast-paced changes in energies on the whole, and also in my own progress. So often I feel like the 3D daytime reality I inhabit these days is very dreamlike, very much like the astral plane where I function at nights. Feels also like I’m preparing to leave… this existence, things that held meaning still last year, are now completely irrelevant. No more earthly ambitions left, although I have to keep going through the motions still. I used to be very good at “manifesting”, now I read about people who help you to “manifest the life of your dreams” meaning here in 3D – I’m out of that already, I have nothing left to manifest in 3D. I’m searching for ways how to create in 5D… in such a future I want to go to. Was going to ask about this in the Q&A, but haven’t formulated yet what it exactly is I need to clarify to myself. But most likely Denise you’ll be answering in one of your posts before I even get to ask anything 🙂

    Light Hugs to all you lovely neighbours here in our virtual forest 🙂

  • Vervain I can identify very strongly with you. There was a time when my attacks were so bad that I was not sleeping at night either. And I could not sleep in the silent dark as well. Sleeping with light on for long periods of time. It took me a while to realize that it was not me that was doing anything wrong.

    The Command is extremely helpful!!! Also the 12D shield is a great tool as well (I suggest to listen to the MP3 its quite relaxing)

    As far as the isolation, I am so with you all. I’m in between two places right now. I’m slowly disconnecting with my old life. I do not resonate with my old friends (which is heartbreaking to me) and I have been mourning those loses. I just can’t bring myself to expend energy with people I just can’t naturally vibrate with. And I have not met anyone I do connect with where I am living now. I love spending time with my dog, love being outside gardening and walking. The only person I can really tolerate is my fiance.
    Vervain, you will get out of there one day. I have been in a situation where I was screaming to the universe to get me the hell out of there!! I had no way out. At the time I could not walk due to severe nerve damage, I thought I would never walk again, I was constantly attacked and did not have the energy to protect myself, the ascension symptoms were out of control..etc..But there were times where small miracles did happen. The universe would throw me a little bone here and there. Eventually I did get out, and when I least expected it. You are not alone, even though you cannot see it. And have faith that there is a beautiful syncronicity in the universe conspiring to help you and get you out of there at just the right time.

    I am sure it sucks being in the Middle East with the level of upheavel happening there. What a beautiful being you must be, to be one of those that is holding the light for the area. My Goodness. It is hard to see ourselves like that. To see ourselves how the universe sees us.

    I find a great peace knowing that I am not alone in this. I believe that we have been brought together to help eachother get through these really rough times coming up. I think of all of you often and sincerely feel the connection with you all.

    Sending love to you Denise and all of you!!

  • Dedtra, Just want to say I understand and also agree w/Denise. I have experience with these type situations. I assume if your son is living in a group home or something similar, he is being cared for? As for your caretaker role, this is also sort of one of those “tough-love” situations – to really help him, think about what he can learn when he has to come to understand the consequences of his behavior – and as his mother part of your job is to teach him to be as independent as he can be given the situation. You have the right to expect certain things from him if you are going to be there for him – boundaries… It is incredibly difficult as a parent to take care of a child with schizophrenia but part of loving him requires you setting firm boundaries – it will be good for you and for him. Then maybe you can spend less time with him, instead of no time (wanting to run away)- think quality instead of quantity. Once you are in charge again, you can see him when it is good for you. Also, to help w/the guilt, look at separating as possibly good for him – even with very difficult issues he is dealing with, he needs to and can rise to the occasion as best he can – which may/may not be great but, based on what you wrote, it sounds like he can do more than he is – good for you and for him. Best wishes, be brave and loving and find that fine line.

  • Lou Ann,
    Many thanks for the support. I truly don’t care about the money, but I do care to have enough to pay my bills and support myself and my pets with the basics. My bills are low, but they are there. I do not have any family or friends to live with; so I am completely on my own. Everyone died in a five year period, from 2000 to 2005, except for one brother who has mental health issues as well as physical health problems. Like everyone else, I would like nothing better than to live in the woods, just being able to BE. So first day of work today was not that bad, I’m going to just try to do the work (which I actually like – it is the loss of flexibility that I don’t like) and come home and leave it all behind. My nights and weekends will be MY time for now – at least that is how I will cope for today 😉 I think about being a writer and will probably begin looking into this more whole-heartedly – it would provide the flexibility to be while, hopefully, provide a basic income as well…

  • Dearest Denise,

      THANKYOU from the bottom of my heart, Everyone needs some validation every now and then of what they know to be true. Keep up the good work. Have a great day!
  • Vervain, well, heres a meaning of the Poppy, but i get for you it is the shamans flower, altered consiousness.
    Anyway, heres what i found for you:)

    Poppy – remembrance, sleep, oblivion – red poppies thrive in disturbed earth throughout Western Europe, and after the Napoleonic wars the land was covered in red poppies, as were the fields of Northern France and Flanders after the First World War. The flower became the symbol of all the soldiers who had fallen during battle.
    In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
    Between the crosses, row on row,
    That mark our place; and in the sky
    The larks, still bravely singing, fly
    Scarce heard amid the guns below … ‘In Flander’s Fields’ John McCrae 1915
    Opium poppies made the flower symbolic of oblivion and sleep. The beautiful and delicate poppy flower only lasts a few days.
    J. xx

  • that s my dream also : living independently in nature with like-minded neighbours on the path to ascension;no paperwork,money,jobs, politics,religion…
    l ve never met (or been let meet)a like-minded person face to face ,not only on spiritual matters but daily things such as fav music, books in my late 30s this can never be a coincidence but my deliberate isolation by THEM since birth.
    as for night attacks…for nearly 2 years l ve been sleeping only in daylight. it s impossible for me to sleep in dark,silent night with the never-ending ringing and buzzing in my head and those unseen bastards ( though l heard them )
    anyway is there anyone who knows what a red poppy symbolizes ? one night l was lying totally awake on my bed in half light and l saw a red poppy in the air just near the ceiling . l dont know what it means.. anyone have an idea ???

    • vervain,

      I don’t know but is the opium poppy red or white?

      You might find Lisa Renee’s website helpful. Check out the section there about protection yourself psychically. Just have a good look around and read some of her monthly articles (and past ones) to see if her information resonates with you. The fact that you live where you do, that you can hear the Dark Ones and can’t sleep at night because of them etc., and that the Middle East is currently experiencing the beginning of the demise of the non-physical, non-human Dark Ones totally controlling the human rulers there, (it’s happening here too) it’s probably no coincidence that you’ve found me recently and Lisa Renee too. No fear, just more knowledge about what’s been for many thousands of years already on Earth. 😉

      This is the “Command” from Lisa Renee written in Nov. 2010. I read it EVERY night…you may find it very helpful too.

      “In your mind or outloud as you feel guided, please repeat this command:

      “As the 12D Avatar and the Light of God that I am, I cancel all contracts and/or agreements that I have made with any entity, guide, in this timeline or in any reality, that were not in my highest alignment and expression of my Light Source in the Law of One. I terminate all false matrices, or illusions that may have obscured my highest God purpose and soul mission, from the past, present and future. I terminate redemptive vehicle and crucifixion contracts and their related phantom systems from impacting my consciousness and all of my 12 bodies. I further declare that the cancellation of all such contracts is to be irrevocable and permanent in all time frames and realities. Further I ask my Avatar to return all unity codes, fire letters (DNA), and the jewels, wings, energies and parts of bodies that have been misdirected or usurped and ask to return them NOW to the Rightful Owner in the name of Self Sovereignty herein stated and commanded into presence. I invalidate the beings by commanding a full dissolution and dissolve them into the One Source-God Source Light through the Eternal Love of Forgiveness and Forgetfulness. Completely Heal and Seal my personal Auric Field from any further intrusion. Return all energies and essences that are in divine right order NOW. I call back NOW – All that is my self sovereign God power and right. I choose my perfection to stand in the Eternal Light and represent my full sovereignty and freedom for all human beings on this planet. I receive this Gift now as I will Share this Gift with ALL. All is One with the Light. I AM UNITY. Beloved God – Thank you!”


  • Goodmorning Denise,

          I just stumbled onto your blog in the wee hours of this morning and discovered my new family!lol,anyway I can definately relate to everyones posting of family life/living situation turning into a nightmare/living hell. Ive been going through ascension 6eems like since the mid-late 90's and have had so many changes and moves that its just completely normal now. Im a nurse by profession, but have pretty much been living on social security for about 7 years but now it seems that i need to go back to work. My income has changed not really enough to go on living at an acceptable level. Im a single parent with 2 boys, the oldest 20,, has been diagnosed with scitzaphrenia,the youngest 6 is transgendered. Im currently living with my sister who is completely oblivious to whats going on on the planet and suffice to say living with someone completly 3D is not cool,getting on with it and making a long story short I want to chuck it/them all and run away to the woods is this completely wrong and selfish? My adult son and I have a long hx of karma and i get sick just being around him anymore, hes living in mental health housing and is functionin quite well i want to live my current state AZ, and release from him how can i release the guilt I feel from this caretaker roll I have with him? He chain smokes, does nothing but play video games he dropped out of high school never had a job, believes he should live with me forever, he does not cook,clean bathe or wash and he drives me insane! i will add he is completly functional and now im wondering was his symptoms some sort of awakening fo him and is my motherly duties fulfilled he will be 21 in a few months help! P.S. Thankyou for this blog and everyones comments makes me feel normal again. 
    • Dedtra,

      If your 21-year-old (or soon to be 21) is already living in “mental health housing”, then it does sound like it’s time for you to back away and let him start dealing with life…Ascension Process or not. But as you continue evolving due to the even more accelerated 2011 Ascension energies, you naturally become more sensitive and aware and this does make it much harder to be around certain people, places, situations, belief systems etc. that are and are existing within a much lower frequency state than you (each of us) are today…tomorrow…next month and the next and next. We all have to find our current (and this will change repeatedly over time) level that is a vibrational match to us and let go of different people, places, jobs, relationships etc that we no longer fit with energetically and actually causes us more physical pain when we try to remain behind like this. I know how hard this is when it’s ones own child because I too had to let go of and keep moving forward with my son and other family and friends years ago. Letting go of them will either help them get their shite together finally and move forward too, or…they just are not ready to use the Ascension energies this time around. No judgements what so ever, only individual choice. It’s just a bit more difficult when one is a parent and having to live through these repeated shiftings and accelerated evolution with their adult children.

      Be strong, be wise, and be totally honest with yourself so you don’t have to later transmute a bunch of Mommy guilt as I call it! 😉


  • and I thought I had it bad in my few very minor run in’s. Isn’t there some saying that the measure of one’s greatness can be found in the greatness of one’s enemies? I am at the very least grateful that there are others having to deal with the dark ones and that it is not something personal about me (a very strong tendency of mine to take things personally). thanks so much!

  • Hi Debra,

    Just to give support because what you say sounds very familiar to me:

    “I begin my new job tomorrow – after not working full time for 9 months … Not feeling like I have mastered the money/lack of money thing yet, I’m going to go in and see what happens. I am completely frustrated over this entire situation … The battle within is wearing me out … but I circle around to how do I pay the bills and how do I turn down such a “great” opportunity?”

    … well it really sounds like… me last year.

    At that beginning stage of another phase in Ascension (probably the last throws of it lol) … I asked and discussed to myself the same thing in similar lines… only to wind up a few years later from a full time job to freelancing at home at VERY flexible hours. It’s the same old job with the same old business habits… and … like everyone else here… is squeezing me. At least when the deep need for sleep comes… I’m right at home… thank gawd.

    Based on my experience and perspective, there seems to be lessons to still witness and experience… not the money. There’s always something more underneath. And anyway… who cares about the “I don’t have/do have money” paradigm. We’re ascending beyond money and everything that goes along with it… so I’m sending Light your way while you keep asking your Higher Self the deeper lesson behind all this 3D case scenario.

    Yes yes I wind up living with my folks… 🙄 but my Higher Self keeps reminding me this too shall pass AND it’s passing already… so hang in there Debra!

    And omigosh: puppies and kittens get me EVERY time! 😀

    I had to part ways with a-could’ve-been-mine tiny-tiny kitty… while taking night photography. This cute one pulled and tugged at my clothes (and of course my Heart)… meowing away o so cutely… but with the current circumstances… I just knew I had to let him/her go. This kitty has haunted me ever since then… and would’ve LOVED to have one just like that cutie! But since we’re living beyond any need to having pets… let’s see what unfolds as we let go and be grounded… okay? ^_^

    Denise & all: <<<I'm envisioning myself living on my own two feet for free… in my own permaculture house and garden… up north in Canada… in the forests with Ascended Neighbours like yourselves… with NO need for 3D/mumbo-jumbo immigration paperwork for residency or whatever… to simply live there for as long as I want… JUST by simply *****Being**** No need to work. No need to go to college JUST to get residency. No complicating immigration BS. Just simply having an Indigenous and highly respected Elder… in replace of a Homeland Security Agent… to see my aura and intentions and simply says "Yep: free to roam the country!" LOL

    About dark psychic attacks:

    Sometimes at nights… I tend to feel something is unsafe… keep always in the need to lock my bedroom door every night… shield the entire home and land… keep talking to my HS for full protection like no joke… and the need to be on the alert… or at least muster that courage to go out of my room and be a vigilante, watching the dark corridors to find "someone" or "something" dark and nasty lurking in the shadows… while fed up of being a "natural victim" because I'm female. It may simply be my old beliefs that is keep asking me to "let it go"… because I wind up asking the Earth/Universe/Higher Self for grounding and protection.

    The need to be a victim because you're femaile is so tiring and old. Or maybe there IS someone in the ethereal realm that's getting my needed attention now??? I don't have any CLUE to what that is… nor am I aware of me ever being psychic of any sort. Nevertheless I had a dream on one of those emotional-ridden and yet exhausted nights… needing to "exorcise" the thing that follows me in every room I was in… even to have to go to a Unity church… and my Mum to her Catholic church. WTF is that I don't know… but it seems NOT in the room… and yet really IN the room in the 4D/Dream realm. Am I making sense here??? I don't know what it is really… 😕

    Love you all and thanks so much for this wonderful gathering,
    Lou Ann

  • Wohooo….no fear just determination. I remember years ago I was going through similar situations. The Dark were really testing me to see if their got me to shake in my boots. Granted early on I went to jelly and after that started to get to my Light mode to an extend I was handed a swrod by my buddies on a higher level. I remember in one meditation I went off to accompany some dolphins and whales back to their home planet. Once I had delivered the last I was on my way back. As I rose from the planetary body above me was this red and fire breathing sharp toothed being spewing fire and I stopped. I looked at it and found it rather comical and no fear what so ever. It was HUGE covering most of the space above the side of the palnet I was leaving. I looked it straight into the red brimming, slitty eyes and just calmly asked ” Haven’t you had enough yet….?” It looked at me in surprise and then like puff of red smoke dissapeared and I continued returning back here and to the plane here. I realized then it was over, no more fear mongering munsters to bother me as it was futile, I had no fear nor hate, I only felt love afterwards it,love for all creation. I also smiled as I knew I was being tested and I had passed. It was all as was meant to be. Glory be! 😀

  • Thanks Denise for your wisdom re: the puppy and my literal inability to continue caring for him. In the past I cared for animals on a professional level – I would never have said “I just can’t do this anymore”. While from the outside looking in it may have seemed a simple issue, especially when I read about what others are dealing with, but for me it was huge. The good news is he may have found a forever home as a result of my weekend chaos and insanity. While I was struggling with fostering him, and my pets absolutely did not warm up to him (which too was unusual after 6 weeks – they are ascending too and could not deal!), I kept thinking there has to be a better way to place all the homeless animals. Anyway, yes, I only have enuf energy to take care of me and the pets I do have, which are my family. And they take good care of me too 😉

    On another note, after reading your post: “The finally discovering, and then not wanting to continue doing, supporting, care-giving, working, cleaning, directing etc. things and/or people is another huge and important awakening layer within the Ascension Process. We’re not supposed to continue these sorts of old lower 3D world ways and polarized beliefs etc. into the NEW us and our NEW world. But as we’re all learning now in 2011, these current transitions are accelerating and getting to be really unbearable to continue anymore and we’re not supposed to, hence the get the hell out, let go of, and change pressures and squeezing.” –

    I begin my new job tomorrow – after not working full time for 9 months – you won’t be surprised to know I am very sick this eve with flu symptoms. It is the last thing I want to do and I have created getting sick. Not feeling like I have mastered the money/lack of money thing yet, I’m going to go in and see what happens. I am completely frustrated over this entire situation – I have two sides battling – one says go – you’ll be able to pay the bills and then some – the other says are you crazy? – you can barely take care of yourself how are you going to counsel others? The battle within is wearing me out – I do understand that taking this position goes against everything inside of me, but I circle around to how do I pay the bills and how do I turn down such a “great” opportunity? At the same time, I can not live with anyone else – not that there is anyone, but even if there was, I’d drive them crazy or vice verse. One day/moment at a time.

    Many thanks to Denise and everyone that shares what they are dealing with, it helps me know I am not alone. We have chatted recently about the lack of people to talk to about the Ascension Symptoms – this blog is a lifesaver. I mean, it just doesn’t fly to say well I can’t do this/that b/c of my ascension symptoms! Hopefully someday real soon that will be a reality.

  • Hi Denise

    Thanks for reply. Yes I know, I am in a strange situation for bothe me and my partner. He is in a hell place too, and from what he tells me, has been battling the dark forces since childhood and comes from a hard place. We have justy come back from the pub, and only a short time together and he has had to go back to his mothers and me to my ex husbands (as no way am I going to spend the night on my own at the farmhouse).. His son phoned up whilst we were out to say that grandma was having the proverbial fit in her room because my partner was not there. So you guessed it we had to hurry back. Anyway, shes ok now of course and he has cooked for them all too, so they are all quiet now. I waiver from feeling everything will work out as long as I keep my head, and everything is in a shit place and is doomed. Sometimes I get glimpses that last a second , of everything being just fine and me and my partner manouevering our way through thedark crap and ending up on the other side exhausted but fine. Thius can be so for all of us, the magical key is to keep positive, but that’s ok to say when you feel ok for a few seconds. Anyway, thanks Denise and thank you eveyone else for being there.

  • Hi Denise, thanks for your reply, oddly i live in the forest, lol, only one of 2 cottages, BUT, the next door folks arent crazy on me, this used to be their Mothers place, so when i come in here it was hate campaingn and its still not cool, she will not look nor speak to me but does to the others here, its been 16yrs now, its actually in need of repair inside and out only i didnt encourage any workment here as the last time we had no loo for 3 weeks.
    It look derilict from the outside, its gonna take a lot of effort to put to rights, i dont feel i want to put my energy into this here, even more so now, and yet here i sit with a gardners number an i keep lookin at it.
    years i tried to clean it, clear it but its resistant to it, even new stuff like cookers bent and went outa shape, other stuff broke soon after it arrived here, and the place has overhead electric cables, power station just a way from the bottom of my garden out the back, and i am feeling theres been and maybe still is a frequency fence, i used to be able to feel it only now i think its weakened some, yet still i am still here.
    Your dead right on the leaving behind the old cleaning and caring and the other stuff, this is why i feel i had to stay to witness this and so i can then end a line of this in my family of females. UGH..
    heres hoping the expected date of October i see many mention is actually gonna mean soemthing cause i get we dont have no time and we are already all we can be now, only we cant seem to link up with this.
    I hope you can get out the town, and as i dont own property nor could i right now i hope we surpass this shit and really rise above this physical limitation we are all in to some degree.
    i remember you saying you live with your Mom, how is she doing in this time now? i note how older people seem to be struggling with stuff, in my family its the kind of stuff that messes with their head an then gets a diagnosis of dementia or the like and its not, or hearing things that would be expected to be heard when doing this kind of work, and i wonder if your Moms been recently able to hear/see things she has not been able to before, or as much as now. Hope you dont mind me asking only the older folks seem inline with our age group, so is this i wonder the past/present meeting in the now?
    Bless you once again for replying, even more so for showing equality without making us pay to speak to you, LOL
    J xxx

  • Hi all, 🙂 Denise, your reply to someone here about gettin the hell outa there. Well, the place i am in and have been for yrs, its all to much now, and has been like forever, but nothing else comes my way to move ahead to and its like i am glued here.
    Its never felt good to me, its an old cottage i rent, now here in the uk you only get to move onto some yuck over run estate and no way would i exchange for that and now my situations changed i may even end up worse off, so its right now i know KNOW, i deserve better than what i am tossed, yet again, nothing comes, and this house is like its holding onto me fast, along with it all falling down and the gardens now seriously out of hand and my partner cant do it as ya know as he is ill, and i am stuck on crutches.
    So, i have been seeing deeply the past weeks of how i held all this and them up, and now i dont want to do it no more, the veils lifted and i see bloody vamp energy and maybe i had to be ready to leave them as well as the house.
    I wonder if this when ready will come to us, otherwise it’d be back to the struggle and limitation of only whats given to us or what we can get or afford.
    Any ideas on why so many feel to move on but its a no go area?
    Thanks for all you do on here and with your post:)

    • J,

      I too have been stuck where I live for the past seven years. I want desperately to move out of the city (code for being surrounded by people…which is code for assholes. Sorry, just being honest 🙄 ) I want desperately to move and live in the forest. No people, just Nature. I’d love to have people (non asshole people) who’ve lived the Ascension Process too as my neighbors, but so far I’ve not been able to physically connect with anyone like this. In the rear future probably but obviously not yet. I’m very grateful to have my readers as my first stage Ascension neighbors. It will be great when we can shift this to the second stage and actually connect physically. Once the Mayan calendar ends in Oct. 28, 2011 I believe this will begin much more easily for all who desire it.

      The other problem with my moving now (in the USA) is the pathetic housing market. No one is able to sell their homes now and get enough money to buy a decent home elsewhere. So many people are literally stuck living where they don’t want to and/or with other people they no longer want to be living with (like couples wanting to divorce but neither of them can afford to buy other homes so they’re stuck with each other!!!) because of the tanked housing market which I don’t see improving. I’m working on free housing for all. 😉

      The finally discovering, and then not wanting to continue doing, supporting, care-giving, working, cleaning, directing etc. things and/or people is another huge and important awakening layer within the Ascension Process. We’re not supposed to continue these sorts of old lower 3D world ways and polarized beliefs etc. into the NEW us and our NEW world. But as we’re all learning now in 2011, these current transitions are accelerating and getting to be really unbearable to continue anymore and we’re not supposed to, hence the get the hell out, let go of, and change pressures and squeezing.

      The rest of 2011 – the “end times” aka the ending of the Mayan calendar – is going to be a big test for us to Master remaining within the Eye of the Hurricane and not let ourselves get pulled out, sidetracked by the high drama, BS, craziness and negativity of the dying patriarchal world. This is the period of massive changes, while at the same time, many of us doing our Inner Work while we wait for the all the old negative systems and ways to end. Then it’s our time. Hang in there and discern everything as best as you can and ask your Higher Self to clearly inform/guide you this year.


  • Thanks Denise, I think you just answered the question Lou Ann and I had over on “Got a Question”. I think I’m printing this out and just re-reading it every day!


  • Hi Denise

    Just read your latest Transitions. You are one hell of a lady and I honour and respect you. Everytime I read anything you have written, I can equate to it. I too have had dark crap from the astral in my life and I am beginning , slowly but surely, to understand what is happening in my life. The Dark ones are very clever and make you feel it is al your fault, and that you are bad in some way and stupid. I also understand now more fully how they latch on to feelings of fear, doubt, lack of self esteem, confusion and feelings of being unloved and loneliness. All these things are going on with me at the moment as I am in a really bizarre situation in my life and relation ships. I am baseless in that I have no proper home to call my own, I am in a relationship with a farmer who really hasn’t got the head, heart, emotionally and physical space for me, not really, not the way I want a relationship to be, and to cap it all because the farmhouse is in such a physical state of upheaval as going through overhaul, and I am like mosst of us on this path, struggling financially, cannot afford to pay rent for a home, am spending tme and sleeping at my ex husbands home, with my son and dog. I am putting my trust in the universe and hoping to find my own place and the finances to support myself. The farmhouse doesn’t seem to like me, I remember sleeping there on my own once and having such a bad astral atack, that I had to sleep with the light on for two weeks and felt, like you Denise, physically ill for some time after. I have performed reiki on the house and asked for protection and that seems to have helped somewhat. My dilemma is that my partner spends more time at his mother’s because the farmhouse is such a tip and also she needs looking after. The other thig is she has never, nor does she ever want to meet me because she does not want the status quo changing and she wants her 50year old son to herself. Even her grandson is not allowed a girlfriend, although unbeknown to her, he does. She canot meet the old woman either! It is hard to keep light and love in the heart when all this goes on and from what I have read from the comments page, there are many of us going through similar circumstances. I also have friends going through so much rubbish too in fact I don’t know anyone who has a peaceful life at the moment! The worst thing is, that I teeter between wanting to go back on anti depressants and wanting to do life without them but being in terrible hell. I know that I am at the moment being targeted by dark ones and am struggling like hell every damn second. But then so are many. Lets we can all hang on through this heavy ride. Thanks Denise and everyone elso out there, we all need to support each other.

    • Anastasia & all others that this applies to,

      When the Universe keeps pushing and squeezing and pressuring you/me/us to get the hell out…or let go of…or change etc., it’s because it’s time to get the hell out, let go of and change! When we resist and dig in and try to “fix” or “adapt” or whatever but we’re really needing to let go of, get the hell out, or change, then every minute, every day, every month gets worse and more difficult for us to remain where we’re no longer capable of being at that time. I’ve taken this one to the brink many times in the past but I’ve since learned to recognize when a positive is buried in the miserableness of some situation/person/location etc., so I use those pressures to let go of and move on and change myself…not the other people…me.

      2011 is amplifying and accelerating (another 20 times faster) all this type stuff for everyone everywhere, so when the Universe is repeatedly making it very clear that you should be somewhere else by pushing and squeezing you/me/us out of some location and/or situation and/or relationship, then we need to pay attention and go with the flow, or not, and deal with the escalating unpleasantness and pain.

      2011 has come down to the wire with everything and we will continue to be energetically pressured and squeezed again and again into further transformations within ourselves and our lives. There is no more time now to fool around and try to live life as we did 3, 5, 10, 20 years ago; it simply will not work and will be increasingly painful, dangerous, and difficult for us to try and remain in lower frequency locations/situations/relationships/work places etc. this year as we rush towards the end of the Mayan calendar.


  • Denise – If this is too much of a ramble, please just don’t post it. I am so frazzled I can not even think straight. I am really beginning to question everything; I am not in a good place at all. I am feeling really stuck and disconnected from my spirituality. I see the earth changes, but that is about it. I recently took on a 30 pound, 4 month old foster pup, for various reasons, reasons I felt were good at the time. But the pup doubled in size over about 1&1/2 months and his broken leg healed – leaving a very energetic and large pup here that had to be monitored constantly and was intimidating to my animal family. I know animals, and did everything I knew to help ease everyone’s stress and help w/adjustment; but in the end I was a basket case, physically and emotionally worn out, feeling like a babysitter 24/7. I got little support from the Rescue Association, to the point I had to say he is leaving today – come hell or high water. He ended up with another family from the rescue. I had politely explained I could no longer do it about 2 weeks ago – and no real response until I basically threatened yesterday – which was not the me I want to be – but otherwise, I was getting the ‘hang in just a bit longer, were working on it’ speech. He just wasn’t a fit for our quiet little house hold. Anyway, I feel awful about the entire experience – I absolutely loved this dog. I feel awful about giving him up to another foster home; he had already been thru a ton. But, I felt like I was losing it quite literally. During this time, I asked, begged, demanded help from the spiritual realms – and it seemed like no one was there I was just talking to a big black void. This has left me to question everything – down to wondering if I was being manipulated by dark forces via the dog – I was doing great and along comes this dog – anyone would know I’d fall for that – this one decision turned my last month + into a nightmare. I feel like I sabotaged myself by taking him, yet at the same time he was such a little love (curious puppy tho he was)and I loved him dearly. During the midst of this I programmed for a great solution for him, visualized, forgave myself (I thought), etc – and usually I can create what I want pretty easily – this situation I got absolutely nowhere. Anyway, anyone have any thoughts? I feel like I really let him down, I let myself down, and the rescue down. What also bothers me is the lack of support I felt by my spiritual helpers – so much so it has made me question all of this. Is the entire Ascension scenario, all my lifetime of studying, believing, practicing, hoping, just a joke, another creation of the dark ones? I keep reading, basically – hold on, we are almost there, it’s just around the corner…but how long do we wait? I am really questioning everything and the waiting is really getting to me. I just want to scream when I hear this; Lazaris says it alot, Salusa says it every post; I quit Lazaris seminars years ago after always ‘standing on the pinnacle’ got a little old. Hmmm, I was hearing the same from the rescue – just hang in a little longer. I don’t know if this makes sense, but there is something here for me to learn and it seems apparent I am not getting it. Thoughts would be appreciated, thanks.

    • Debra,

      First of all, stop beating yourself up over the puppy thing okay? These sorts of emotional experiences teach us certain things like nothing else can. In my opinion, this experience was primarily, I repeat primarily about you discovering that you need to pour all of your energies and focus right now into you and you alone. Time is short and it’s so easy to get distracted with things like the puppy or a thousand other things from the old world and our old ways. It sounds like you realized that dealing with the puppy (or other things/people/pets etc.) like this NOW is too draining energetically, financially, emotionally etc., but, you also felt tremendously guilty for not being able to help or deal with the situation in the same old lower ways of the past. That to me was the message for you, for many of us now in 2011.

      I stumbled across an interview of Barbara Hand Clow at the end of March 2011 and I could hear in her voice and words how much she’s changed recently. She even said that she was spending 2011 at home with her family, working in her garden, and not traveling and teaching as she’s done for many years. She’s hunkering down at her house to ride this last year of the Maya calendar out in as healthy a way as she can for herself and her family.

      About the lack of your old familiar “spiritual helpers”. My old familiar “spiritual helpers” left me when I entered the Eighth Wave (Jan. 1999) when my physical, biological Ascension Process started. I felt them slowly pulling back from me for a year before that cut-off date and I asked them why they were retreating from me. They told me they would not, for any reason, interfere with my Ascension Process and that I had to go through it on my own so I would benefit in every way possible from living it myself. The Alchemical Process must be lived individually so that I, you, each of us, is literally transmuted by what we live through…and the positive Beings won’t get in the way of that Process. Besides, if you’re a Starseed/Lightworker/Wayshower then this is what you do and your buddies from Home aren’t going to tell you how to do your job! 😉

      So one big reason why your old familiar “spiritual helpers” didn’t show up to help you or give you advice etc. is because it’s time for you (and most of us) to make the discovery that WE are more powerful than we ever knew we were/are. After we drag ourselves through a few of these types of difficult, painful, emotionally draining type of experiences, we discover what we should be expending our energies and focus on and what we shouldn’t be! We also discover that we got ourselves through the experience/experiences/Initiations just fine all on our own just as we’re supposed to now.

      The Path narrows like crazy in 2011 and we’re all quickly discovering that there’s no more time to waste with things, people, situations, belief systems, old lower habitual ways of looking at and/or doing things; we’ve evolved and/or are still evolving beyond all of those old familiar ways and beliefs etc. so we can continue becoming the NEW. Just look at what you’ve gone through as an Initiation because that’s what it was for you now. YOU are what’s important at this late date; each of us are more than we realize.


  • I am choked up right now and apologize ahead of time because not only have you touched my life since I’ve started reading this.

    I have been reading The Tibetan book of Living and Dying and I have come to a part where I have to forgive those in my life that made my life a living hell. I was supposed to write a letter to each of them and I could only get through two. That was in Feb and I have been shut down every since. Then not to sound gross but we just got new neighbors who brought water bugs and we had to put down poison Wed. Long story short my husband, soul guide though many dimensions, teacher of self truth and acceptor of all my trauma; flipped out Wed morning when he took a shower and a baby one fell out of his hair. He wasn’t angry at me but his past stress of his own trauma blew up that day to the point where I was finally able to see him, his Buddha-Self, his aura, and what he has been trying to tell me for 15 years after my own temper tantrum. Then we went back to normal immediately after the release and cooked together like we used to when we first met and before our joint trauma. We were happy again. Then last night I had the most awakening dream. It was exactly like yours (not literally). I will try to make it short.

    Like you I was placed in my familiar childhood horrors with everyone whose faces I can’t see but know who they are by words, actions and fear they gave and implanted. This time instead of my husband saving me by either waking me or scaring myself out of that realm. I for the first time stayed also. I was taken from place to place and shown how horrible I was, had made life and the deathly promises they assured would happen. As I went from place to place, I saw the aura again but this time it was coming from me which became a threat. The started acting like two year old’s; it started becoming funny and every act they normal actions didn’t work as I started reminding myself of my being untouchable, my purpose, my being apart of Love, my inability to be hurt because my spirit was and will not ever be moved. As soon as I realized this, I found a colony of people who were moving through the darkness undetected unless they chose to. It was very obvious everything from music, thoughts, TV shows, newspapers, food, you name it was monitored by these Dark people. As soon as they detected any sort of ego thought or confusion they would jump onto the person right in front of me and they would instantly turn dark until they woke up again. These people were clever how they kept each other aware, gave new methods of detection. So when they came around to me it took several realms but eventually I started telling them spiritually how they couldn’t effect me and all of a sudden they were unable to come inside the door, on my street, realm, etc. For the first time I woke up without being afraid, unable to remember, and lost for a few days until I able to gather myself. Then I wrote the following post. If you don’t read it, its fine but it was so liberating and I could feel the weight being lifted as the words were finally in the universe.

    Time to be awake in our true selves. We are here to help each other so please keep letting each other know everything. Do not be afraid if they do not understand, the spirit will let you know if they can and are ready to accept. Plus its not our job to decide if they can or not; our job is to awaken. It will help someone, there are no coincidences only lessons that need to be shared.




  • Things are definitely Lightening Up here on planet Earth. A few years ago, a dark force slammed into the steel of the my bed support but I was untouched. It felt like a jetliner slammed in but I was unscathed.
    And lately, the backdrop to my life has changed, like a New Earth is shining out there.

  • Hi Denise, thanks always for your encouragement and help, sorry i never got to come back and thank you for your kind and helpful post to me on your last post you did.

    Its rough now, and yes to the ones living with us, or close to us, manipulated or not its getting too much to live with now, and as for the feeding thing, well as you know my partners ill, but i note he is forever eating, huge amounts, all thats in the house in fact, leaving nothing for me or my daughter. Maybe this is cause a few weeks before he was ill i cut all cords with all who i live with, well all of anyone everywhere inc my kids as this has been ongoing to the point i cant clear the energy i have been burdened with cause it wasnt mine!
    Its a long story, one i cant even bare to write, but this is now dire in the way our close friends and family etc are now who we need to watch out with as to draining all we have to make it through this.

    Anyone out there in severe pain? I dont know what to do with myself, strong painkillers no longer work, and i will not up a dose of this stuff i have as its a class A and its not gonna do me no favours to use anymore than i have for the past 28 odd yrs but this is relentlessness and its my nerves, bones muscles, and i made up some oil, with essential oils in, its good but even that isn’t helping so much now, and my minds not able to remember things said to me only a second or 2 ago.
    I have to take the pain meds as i otherwise i cant move or get up, so bit by bit i am seeing they are no more than an asprin and eventually i can dissolve them and any old ideas of addiction they would by now of caused (in old world terms)

    I send you all my best, and to the person in the middle east, can you, do you think still receive emails personally from this site? because if you sign up withe Denise the comments come straight to you.
    I am wondering along with many others now how much longer this is going to go on, as i am not seeing any let up and have not in any of this so far, its just ongoing left field wallops one after the other, now i am thinking, do we have to go on with those yet to come alongside them in the depth of their stuff and keep going, cause of so i dont think i can do that, its not my responsibilty to walk with them in it and battle again whats not mine, or my desire to have to do it. This false sense of service some of us had in our DNA, i am seeing its deeply entrenched in some of us to sacrifice self and take on whats not ours to do, no one has to transmute either the earths pain or others through our own mind body and spirit, this is another huge lie, one that leaves us clearing some other person/ET whatevers unwanted baggage, so i outed that new age lie, one that was pointed out to me yrs ago, so those thinking its up to us to save the world and transmute shit like sewer pipes isnt truth, it depletes us to the point we arent any good to anyone, more than anything our connection to our sourse first is the home base, then to self, then to family, earth, other beings such as animal kingdom etc. However, how many of us received help from anything through this, we were told its up to self to clear our own shit, so why would it be up to us to have to do for others what they can only do for self as we have had too?
    Lets us hope this heavy energy lifts soon for those of us still mired in it, and i am happy Denise that your seeing some light at the end of this seeming never ending barrage of stuff.

    Take care Guys and thanks D, for this place and your posts. xxx J

  • I just had a dream the morning of the 11th wherein I kept getting blocked by people. Moms with strollers and masses of people blocking doorways. People were supposed to come pick me up in a car (because I couldn’t drive after my pupils had been dilated and did end up having to get a ride twice that following day) and even when they got to where I was, we had to change routes constantly because everything was all clogged up. I kept getting out of the building I was in to go the next building. They were mostly like libraries, museums, and courthouses. Walking to a rendezvous point because it was impossible to get in and out of parking lots, and in the back of my awareness the whole time was an urgency that I was going to sleep through my optometry appointment (which I made, frazzled back in the real world) and have to reschedule my hair appointment (which I did, because it took longer that I had planned at the optometrist) and everything I had to do and where I had to go seemed so, so overwhelming. I had the feeling of wanting more space and time. It wasn’t a nightmare per say, but the frustration level was like a bad day. Even though I wanted to scream, I was lucid, and tried to remain detached, just reminding myself to be up by dawn, so that my real day didn’t end up that way.

    Maybe this is the patriarchal world in chaos? And as a gatekeeper I had to go around and put things into safety mode to get through the transition? Flip the breaker so to speak?

    I’ve had two tantrums this week, but feel like I’ve slowly, painstakingly been checking things off of my list in preparation for unstable infrastructure: replacing my glasses, making plans to get cavities filled, trying to operate in abundance with money…

    Hope everyone is well.

  • Hello, Denise and all,

    Thanks, Denise, for this post. I was feeling like I’d kind of lost the plot there, but this has me back on track. A few months ago, I was writing about attacks by dark shadows. When I’ve seen them (rarely now), they are also farther away– in the corner or on the ceiling. And they don’t feel like a threat. This week I also had a physical attack while I was sleeping. I was being held strongly, but I managed to grunt or something and that broke it and woke me up. And I didn’t fuss about it and it hasn’t happened again. Yes, we are getting better at this– staying focused and calm and not feeding into fear! And Denise, I just love the idea of a pillow fight– soft but powerful! (Sound like bathroom tissue.)
    Vervain, I am living in one of the poorest countries in the world, a post-Soviet country, and I was feeling overwhelmed by it a couple of months ago. Yes, very poor here, but there are big SUVS all over (that try to run you down), Louis Vuitton and Hugo Boss stores, and it is a well-known fact here that people go into politics to make money from the opportunities it provides. And, right now, it’s all about mining. There has been a small group of protesters living in front of the parliament buildings for almost a month now, very peaceful, but it has had seemingly little effect on the government. And I haven’t gone into the dangers of being a woman here and the drinking and fighting and theft. I was feeling like, Why am I in such a horrible place with such negative energy and such an intense, crazy focus on money? But, and I said it here on this forum, I realized that I was exactly here to channel light into this place. I’ve gotten over my slump and now I seem to be seeing more positive signs here and not feeling the darkness as much. That money energy is gone and it feels a lot happier now. Strange, but it’s what I feel. So, be who you are and you will have an effect. I know it!
    I also got the realization in this discussion that the “powerful” are dependent and, therefore, not very powerful at all in the end, because they are dependent on us to supply them with their needs. It’s a position of weakness in the end.
    Last night, I was starting to get that headache that starts at the base of the brain (I’ve just been realizing this lately– the oldest part of the brain) and I decided to not cringe, but to relax into it. Well, I had the most amazing experience. I was seeing all sorts of colors and lights and lines and patterns– just beautiful. And I completely forgot about the pain. There was also a voice that said a couple of words. I feel like I was in 6D (is that right, Denise?) and it was a place I stayed for quite some time.
    Anyway, this was very long, but lots of learning lately. And I’m pretty cheerful about it all!

    Hugs to all,

  • Thank you again, Denise.
    Again I relate. Your description of those nightmares is so validating to me. And I feel also that I have been growing into a less afraid human. I feel bigger and more filled with light. Sometimes I think it is my circumstances that have changed and that it is “easier” now, but I know that is just more negative thoughts from the “dark ones”. They are getting so easy to recognize now. A sure sign they are losing power. Thank you (and every lightworker) for all your work to help bring in more light.

    Blessings of LIGHT,

  • Dear Denise,

    This was a really good post! Thank you for sharing it. I think I mentioned to you privately that I’d seen a calendar with May 12th circled. Well. May 12 did turn out to be one rolicking day. Love the Bed Pillow of Destruction!

    For me, the May 12 was one of sadness and panic. An acquaintance of ours is being evicted and will be homeless after Saturday. We’d told her that as a last resort she could stay with us for a few days if she couldn’t find anything else. Now, this person is very negative – has been the source of a lot of strife between me and my spouse and is just generally so negatively controlled that it is hard to be around her for any length of time, so our offer was one of well placed, heartfelt sympathy (with not a little empathy thrown in since we may well be facing the same thing in a few months).

    Unfortunately, she translated it all over to “you can move in with us”. Yesterday, my spouse was talking to her on the phone as I was on my way to her house to take her some milk. She said to him, “it would seem this isn’t going to work out doesn’t it?” and he agreed that we had decided it wasn’t. That sent her into a tailspin. When I got there she was teary eyed but her manipulative abilities were still functioning and she proceeded to dump majorly on me. By the time I got away from her (about 10 minutes) I was in a full blown panic attack driving across town. It took me about an hour to settle down and decide I didn’t need to go to the hospital because it wasn’t a heart attack.

    I still have some pretty strong heart-pain (not the “get thee to a hospital” kind but the soul-heart pain) from having to be so blunt with another human who was hurting. The sad thing is that we can’t help everyone – especially the ones that are still being controlled by the dark ones – and there are many many of those people. They aren’t always people placed in positions of power and authority – sometimes they are just people thrown in your way to distract you. And they are insidious – using our desire (to give service to others to make the world a better place) to drag us back into the darkness.

    Yesterday, my husband called the mental health authorities here in our town to tell them that she may be in danger of hurting herself (she is a client of theirs). The woman in the crisis center reminded him “boundaries, Joe, boundaries.” We can and must set our boundaries so these dark ones cannot get to us.

    Some years ago I developed a little “song” to protect our car when we were driving but it works for other things too… I’ve got a white light of protection, a white light of protection, a bright white light of protection, shining down on me! (Imagine Ray Charles and the Raylettes singing this too you using your favorite tune!)

    Love to you all!

    • Deb,

      Like moths to a flame of Light they come to us over and over again. They live next door to us, they work beside us at the workplace, they’re in our lives and all around us for the simple reason that we emanate great amounts of Light…which they try to feed off of. It’s up to us to learn to not let this happen any more. Boundaries indeed.


  • Whoa. This post and the ensuing comments made me fall off my little pony. Onto a horse!

    As within, so without, I like to say. Thanks Denise, for fighting, and sharing, the good fight. And thank you Vervain, so black and blue in this moment, for stepping forward and sharing your heart light. Both of
    you helped me move exactly the few inches deeper and farther to where I needed to be today. And tomorrow. :0)

    Denise, you have some seriously brass balls. No news there. With this post I was able to put the events of my last week together as two and two to make a four. Simple, but not always easy.

    Vervain, I was certain, after reading your citation of circumstances, that you lived in the good ole US of A. I nodded in agreement and felt your despair. As a long-time political activist, I have had to go the distance to come up with a reason to carry on, with often seemingly no progress. One step forward, two steps back became my mantra.

    But the progress I have finally learned to monitor is the progress I make: Being the change I want to see. Oft times this too seemed as futile as changing the government and fascist policies that rule my country of origin. Or more accurately, shifting the perspective of the masses that hold the Powers That Be in place.

    Today, I read how Denise was able to face off against her long-term abusers, unafraid and listening; she saw them for the sad and frightened Bozos they are. And then she beat back some faded out but frothy dogs with a downy pillow.

    Yeah, me too, in a way.

    What I see happening within (and also without), is simply that we are taking back our own power. The power we, personally and as a collective, gave away over the eons. Willingly, and repeatedly. All we had to do all along was to be not afraid. Pretty simple. But we sure as hell know it is not easy — or pretty. But certainly possible. The evidence continues to mount.

    Yesterday I watched some of the Senate hearings and could not stomach the responses of the oil execs spewing their BS, whinings and threats. Nothing new there. What made me notice myself was when I hit the mute button and intently watched their faces. All the anger, rage and my need to push back disappeared. I studied their faces and realized they were utterly destroyed in their own sense of power. But I saw they had none. Not real power. They had only the “power” that I fed them, in my need to push back and fix it.

    I had gone through the same sort of thing (ad infinitum) with my ex earlier this week. I first and again reacted with my need to push back and attack the attacks and attempts to control. Then, rather quickly for me, I simply closed the door energetically, with no, none, nada attachment, just relief. By the next day the pending crisis literally disappeared. No small feat mind you. So much blood and guts spilled in this war.

    I am gaining strength and a more neutral and compassionate response with every encounter, in so many various events in and around my universe.

    We can take to the streets angry, vengeful, fearful and discordant, or we can march and parade on purpose, with intent, faith, determination and hope. One path makes war, the other makes progress.

    I am often unable to see clearly the emotions I hide behind my need to protect, produce or make change. These shields are the skins we are all shedding now; and it is hard and exhausting work. We are doing it nonetheless. And as within, so without. :0)

    So take heart Vervain, and honor yourself every time you feel any courage, hope or peace. Be still, and know ye are God. Do not feed the monsters by letting them think you cannot or will not go on. Light your ‘love’ match and send the darkness on its way.

    • lamplighter2,

      Brilliant…literally. 🙂

      I too am done reacting to the hooks and buttons in me that the Dark Ones use to perpetuate the chaos, fears, pain and illusion that we’ll never be free of this shit. And as usual, as soon as I (we each) really make these discoveries within ourselves, we pull the plug on the food/fuel source that all of these “bozos” use to maintain all of their things and ways. And of course that food/fuel source is US carrying Light Energy!

      I’ll never forget watching this show on TV a year or so ago called A Haunting in Connecticut. It was only one sentence but it revealed so much to me at that moment. It was about how the Priests that do exorcisms are taught to NOT pay much attention to the negative entity or demon or whatever it is that’s causing the problems. They’re taught to recognize these energies and beings, but to then immediate NOT fuel them by paying any attention to them. Because I’m not religious and never have been, these teachings are unknown to me, but I sure understood the deeper meanings and importance to knowing something exists like this but also not spending any time or energy engaging with it and its agenda’s etc. Potent and difficult thing to really master as individuals working with Light to alter reality.

      Thanks for sharing your Light too.

  • Hi Denise,

    Great message, you truly are a light WARRIOR! I have to say I have never felt any negative beings luckily but I have orbs all around my house whenever I take a picture so I think I’m in a special place, it felt so from the first time I found my little house.

    Vervain – you obviously have the light inside you so don’t give up or give in, we’re all in this together!!! We are all carrying this light so that ALL can be free, don’t feel alone and ask your angels or guides to keep you strong whenever you need help, as they are always with you whether you know it or not! Things had to get worse before they can get better, and it IS HAPPENING, believe it!! 🙂

  • Vervain,

    I don’t have much experience coming from the Middle Eastern standard of living… but I have envisioned your world with no more warring from both the puppets and the Old Controllers… for some time now. I can even “see” in my mind’s eye… a much quieter world… with no bombs, no ammunitions… no-gun fires… no male-dominating oppression in site. I can even see us women taking off our veils (both visible and invisible ones)… as a symbolic expression of our true freedom… touching every stone and rock and bones that are still left after the final countdown of abject chaos… and whatever bloodshed that was once there… we take it back to Source… to be fully whole!

    This is one of the many visions I deeply hold in my High Heart. I don’t have much wise suggestion other than what was already been said and shared here: be in the centre of the chaos to find your peace… in spite of what’s going on around you.

    I also sense that… this build-up of more domination and darkness… feels more like coming from out-right desperation. Even witnessing it on the news… really feels and seems that way alright, so hang in there as we all keep you in our Hearts. I’m sure this family is right now doing so. Tears pouring through my eyes knowing and sensing your pain… but could’ve been more… as being there with you physically, experiencing it first-hand is far better.

    As for the Oil… anyway I see it… the ones in power are still milking out Oil anywhere and everywhere… even… EVEN in the melting Artic according to the Wikileaks:

    … my intuition states grave desperation from the Global Elite… because time for them and their black gold rush is running out.

    Be well and Be free,
    Lou Ann

    Vervain: thank you SO very much for sharing with us what’s really going on in the Mid-East. Yes we’re getting enough information via the Media… but I’m becoming more and more suspicious about its distorted reportings. Anything from someone on the inside to me is much more valuable. Thanks so much again.

  • thanks for your supporting and kind words.l can say l live in the most modern looking (!!!) Middle -eastern country for now , where a bigot government has been brought to power by the design of that Dark world government behind the curtain. like they played with the other Mid-eastern countries’ fate using poor,oppressed people to overthrow their dictators just to replace with new puppet governments to obey THEM .( not like those ultra-optimistic lightworkers believe “oh the world s awakening, mother Egypt is free la la la ” . sorry but everything is for OIL. if it was a real awakening of the world people where are the poorest African or oppressed Chinese etc ? and l m not even sure l ll be able to follow this blog in near future because of the new filter of the government .that s one of the reasons l feel it s getting darker.
    and something l want to know… l dont think all that s my choice. and some lightworker once l knew who s running after promiscous sex both on the net and real life , lying ,even prejudiced one yet living and performing his gifts in one of the most free thinking, wealthy,democratic countries and never alone…and me who always trying to avoid both bigotry and degeneration, too naive to tell even a simple lie,so lonely to hold onto his lies (even when l knew they re whole lies just to feel like l was not alone) and facing attacks in a dark place…….is there not a single drop of justice in this world ? anyway that s the point where l ve got completely broken.
    l know my words sound too harsh and angry ,l ve lost my ability to get calm recently but thanks to your supporting presence there l ll get myself back again l believe.

    • vervain,

      I see you’ve removed the “black” from your name. I think you will feel a better vibration from you’re having done that. 😉

      And thank you for your honesty about “…everything being for and about OIL…” It’s the same here in the USA. We too have our negative dictators here and always have; the lies and manipulations have/are a bit more creative in this country than in many others. But, all this is changing everywhere now and will continue to so please do not forget this fact despite the negativity the Old Controllers are trying to maintain. It will not last and they will be forced to leave. Be strong in your heart and hold the higher Light and knowing that much, much better is coming soon for all everywhere who truly and honestly desire it.


  • Denise,

    Again, glad to know what I feel like is almost a teaching experience, a chance to try out new abilities, new bravery, new “guts to glory”, is something that I’m sharing with others. I, too have had lucid dreams back in the old house I grew up in this lifetime. One where I opened the doors, and several, 7 feet tall vicious animal like beings came and attacked me. I did not fear as they tried to tear me apart, but looked beyond and created something that would entice them more and they ran off to chase that which I created. I was done for my lesson and flew away. As I have started to reclaim myself, this last week and a half, in a more stronger and loving way, I am always comforted to hear about yours and others experiences to help me soothe my some what frazzled state. You’ve brought a great sense of peace, curiosity and understanding of some of the many things that I have experienced and dealt with, so for that , thank you, deeply and abundantly thank you.


    I do hope you know that you have incredible power and what you may consider simple ability to seek out truth, light and guidance takes a tremendous amount of courage and something to be commended upon. That is the hope, the power that you hold with in you. May I also suggest, look deeper in you and the situation around you. As dark as it may seem, look for the deeper meaning, the incandescent light that you are holding will help reveal all the truth you need at this time. Even in the darkest of times, there is light that will help you continue and find the path of a better time. It is there, don’t give up, don’t ever forget, you are stronger then you ever thought you are at this time. My prayers and thoughts to you, I hope you find all you need soon.

    Lots of love and light.


  • Hello all, I was telling a friend last week about the last year and remembered saying, “it is nothing like what Denise has been through.” I think it was easier taking the ride as a child,
    perhaps becuase of all the darkness in my childhood, “they” decided
    if she could have endured that no sense in bothering her any more in that area.(who knows)
    There have been shocking interactions with “people” but I survived that.
    Where they got me was my heart, it was two fold I would start a job feel like I was doing everything possible to help this person then out of the clear blue “we don’t want you here anymore”.
    Actually the day I fell down the stairs. I haven’t worked for 5 weeks and was giving up. I worked 3 mos. last year. 2 months this year.
    I worked with a healer today who brought to my attention this is how I was treated as a child.
    So in some ways they are breaking my Spirit( how will I cont.on) but last night I just said I am ready to go, literally ready to go…for I have no reserves to survive.
    However, a number of things happened this morning that where grace.
    When people say surrender I say sure, with $8.00 in my checking account. Let’s just say I didn’t quite surrender but opted out.
    I know who I am on all levels but am very tired of fighting for survival when I am so good at my Spiritual work. For there is no place for it now.

    To the lady who is struggling in her hell in her country. I walked out of hell(had been there 20years) into a reality that no one could believe, but I believed it and it became REALITY.
    Bless you, and all of you who have taken on this journey. What a ride…

  • I SO relate to this Denise. I too have waged battle with the Dark Ones for as long as I can remember. In ’05, the Giant Black Mass that you refer to was after me big time and often. Ugh! At one point in the most lucid of these attacks, I called for the Light repeatedly when a booming male voice came through me shouting I AM THE LIGHT!!! Poof! No more darkness – it dissintegrated!
    A few attacks later I stood my ground in the pitch black as I heard the sound of a shovel hitting the dirt and felt the intense hatred and desire to have me buried alive. Well, I had the awareness of an Angelic Being “behind” me and I stated clearly toward the sound of the shovel “We are Children of the Light and you cannot harm us!” Poof again!
    I’ve had some nasty astral events/attempts since then, but using this phrase – and understanding that it is indeed true that we cannot be harmed by them if we do not fear them changed the dynamics profoundly.
    Thanks you so much for sharing.

  • Hey Denise,

    this post was awesome, it made me feel a lot better…glad to hear your reaching a lot of your personal goals:) I can’t see dark energy the way you can but i can feel it, i feel when they are around…i told one to get the f*** out of my room the other night…it felt good…i’ve been afraid for a long time but i know they’re full of s***…


  • Hi Denise,
    I’ve been reading posts on this site since last year and it’s been such a comfort to know that I’m not alone in experiencing these changes.

    I never went looking for my spirituality through any practice or belief and so it was a great shock to me in 2006 to experience a massive anxiety/panic attack out of the blue, and then find myself in the middle of a bright orange sky filled with what I later discovered was the universal OM sound. (Sounds crazier in print!)That was a mere prelude to the wild energies and vivid dreamings that were to come.

    The new increasing light energies are great but I have needed to take a different approach than you in my dealings with the ‘dark ones’

    In the past I have found the energy surges, lights and anxiety/terror attacks overwhelming enough at times but when I woke one night to find a shadow man crosslegged on the end of my bed I found myself a monk. I am so grateful to him for teaching me the meditative techniques I needed to help calm the process down. His advice to me on the ‘being’ that I saw was simply to ignore it and continue with my meditations as it could only harm me if I gave it permission – with practice this has worked for me. I haven’t seen any for a while now. Perhaps your way of dealing with them is more productive but mine lets me sleep at night!!!

    I can feel the positive energies ramping up again within me over the past week (much more comfortably than before) but the negative energies. or ‘dark ones’ are now manifesting themselves through other peoples actions. These people are on the periphery my life but they are close enough to have a deliberately unpleasant effect. I get what you mean about it all becoming easier though. A year ago I would have found some of the problems people are foisting on me crippling but now it feels so easy. OK – maybe not easy but the roadsigns are clearly marked, the map is open and lunch has been packed for me – all I have to do is decide to travel.

    In the past I have swung between believing in these energies and believing myself mad for doing so and it is such a relief to finally KNOW. Please keep the messages coming it helps strengthen the belief in my sanity

    with metta

    PS I have been dreaming for weeks about spaceships and angels both repeatedly – anyone else?

  • this amazing denise i have two REALY bad dreams the last week … i had nightmare before but this two where so different because the first one they face me to my biggest “fear” cockroaches the dream was very scary as at the end i was laying down in a bed full of this insects and my mother was holding me so i could not escape but her face was different she was laughing at me, to see me so afraid of it …

    i wake up feeling terrible to the point that i was very angry at 6 am??it was extremely weird .. i had another one but that one was very disgusting … all i can say it was something that usually turn my face around when i watched in movies … weird how the two dreams were something that i don’t like at all and that produce me some rejection..

    anyway so what i mean is i felt like this two dreams where not my typical type of bad dreams this was something very different i even thought i was wondering around in other lower dimensions because i felt terrible…

    another dream that caught my attention is : i have never dream of flying or falling and i dream last week too that i was falling into a black hole i couldn’t see anything for so long i just felt like i was falling and falling it was kind of scary because i kept asking to myself where or when i’m going to land?? at the end i landed in some kind of river under a cave there where more people but at walking around but as soon as i felt the water i felt a relief and i was not afraid anymore …

    i think the first two dreams were attacks i felt something very evil behind … i never felt such a thing like that …

    thank you denise you always clear my mind and make me think more
    Its like you expand my options when i don’t know whats going on 🙂

  • thanks so much 🙂 this is my favourite website about spiritual matters because it sounds realistic and sincere unlike those ultra-optimistic “lightworkers” type of websites…glad l found this place 🙂

  • thanks for accepting my comment and sorry for errors as lm too nervous..unfortunately l cant move even from this city .and due to personal attacks (both from human beings)and those unseen dark ones the last 2 years have become a hell of a prison.l can feel their presence to prevent my each attempt to go on.even to meditate is impossible now. l dont want to look like a whining poor creature but l feel like lm literally stuck between 2 worlds, surrounded by an isolating unseen wall. sorry it sounds weird and complicate because l have no one to talk about these things. thanks again for for replying

    • black-vervain,

      It doesn’t sound weird at all because there literally has been a frequency fence in place to keep humanity from escaping it and using the available Ascension Energies now present to move beyond it. You can make it if it’s your true hearts desire to be free and empowered. Stay in your heart and your high desire you will make it. 🙂


  • l d really love to feel that the end of the dark ones is so near..but l feel it s getting darker and darker ..l live in a narrow minded country blinded by organized religion and as a war against women is declared and children too in the last decade..women murdered brutally by their ex on the streets and children kidnapped and murdered has become an ordinary part of daily agenda ..anyway l m getting more and more desperate and even think of ending it by my own hands ..l dont know l wish l could see their end is near

    • black-vervain,

      Firstly change your user name to something more positive to you. Secondly, if you can, move! Thirdly, if you can’t move, then never forget that you can vibrationally raise above the dark evilness all around you. I know this because I do it myself over and over again.

      Be well, be strong, be determined to get really free vibrationally and you will be free of the Darkness eventually.


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