I’ve mentioned more than once how difficult 2016 has been, plus how I’ve dealt with waves of depression this year. June 2016 was another of those extra painfully intense months where I’m presented with more spiritual Ascension opportunities in the form of tests/initiations that certainly aren’t fun or easy for the me in those moments, but in the end are worth everything it took to get myself through them so I’d be permanently free from those old lower situations, energies, codes, beliefs and consciousness from the past. Such are the seemingly unending Stair-steps of this Ascension Process.
The on again/off again periods of depression I’ve had this year have confused me but something happened recently that let me see it and understand the why of it very clearly and simply. From that point forward it’s a cake-walk, a non issue, whereas only moments before it had been devastatingly all-consuming and self-imprisoning. How many times does one need to go through this Process to have the initiatory steps burned into their conscious awareness? As many times as it takes, no more, no less. The great news is that moving through these Processes now are very fast compared to decades ago and the PTSD from them is non-existent. One just gets back into their HighHeart after the latest test/initiation to a higher level of being and all is grand once again. Progress.
Again, not everyone reading this now is at the exact same place within the Ascension Process, level of awareness, individual development, abilities and so on meaning not everyone will relate to some of this information. Use what is relateable now and back burner the rest for a later time.
Some Ascension writers have talked about the tremendous stresses and strains put on Forerunners/Starseeds/Pathpavers physical bodies and central nervous systems from “time jumping”, from deliberately moving forwards in “time”, then moving backwards in “time” and reentering this particular Ascension timeline. This is part of being consciously aware of ones multidimensional nature and being and simply using those abilities as a Forerunner for self, Self, humanity and All everywhere.
I’ve dealt with this many times and after spending some “time” down the road in the “future” a bit, and/or some “time” down the road in the “past”, when I’d reenter this timeline my body and nerves are often frazzled and need some down time in the timeless HighHeart Now Moment to recuperate and anchor in that space once again. What I didn’t realize until recently however was that for me now in 2016—and this is an important difference from earlier years of doing this same type of Ascension Work—I was becoming depressed after I’d moved around in “time” like this for a while.
The energetic contrast from moving forward in time a bit or back in time a bit is now so profoundly amplified to me, my body and current awareness that I’d become depressed for a while after I’d returned to this Ascension timeline. I suspect this is normal for this type of energetic Ascension work at this time for those living the Process of Embodying Higher with Lower in their physical bodies. It won’t always be so amplified thankfully as this too shall pass and the sooner the better! But, until I get there more fully myself, I’ll continue to feel and be affected by the extreme energetic differences between timelines, dimensions and the selves in those timelines with their different levels of development, awareness, consciousness and matching energies.
Example: The other day I stepped out my back door into my carport area and the second my physical body crossed the threshold of my house into outdoors, my body instantly registered that slight energetic drop as “depression”. This was not mental nor emotional but how my body is now responding to drops in or lower levels of Light Energies. It amazed me only because this used to register as, affect me as physical pain in my body whereas lately my body is feeling it as emotional depression. You know that old saying about how, ‘You can’t go back’? You can, even in “time” to do needed Ascension Work, but there are energetic repercussions (small and large) that have gotten much more obvious when one does this Work now. Like I said, sliding up and down, forward and backward in linear time won’t always make me/you feel pain or depression, extreme exhaustion or fried nerves etc. For me now however, when I do “time travel” to energetically Work (clear, transmute) on things in my personal life I need to continue evolving on the Ascended Timeline, the changes in energetic Light pressures etc. is causing my body and sometimes me to feel “depressed” from spending any amount of time in lower frequency timelines, considering old lower versions of myself in this life’s “past”, or simply having to spend some time in the world out there to buy groceries and such. Obviously I have yet to fully Master being Sovereign and in my HighHeart level of frequency and being constantly while shopping, driving my car in heavy traffic, dealing with sociopathic males I’ve hired and been inside my house etc. As will always be the case, I continue working on it.
I’m All Alone Again
In A Lightworker’s Mission I wrote about how my three Starbeing kinsfolk, Guides, Assistants from this life and timeline and from one ancient past life and timeline in Egypt of 12,600 B.C. (one from 8D Orion, one from 6D Sirius, one from 5D Pleiades), began retreating from me a couple of years prior to the physical start of my biological Ascension Process in 1999. It was slow and subtle at first and I didn’t say anything to them about it for over a year. Once it was clearly obvious that the three of them were indeed leaving me, I asked them why and they told me their time with me as I had been up to that point was ending. They’d fulfilled their Soul Contracts with me and vise versa. They let me know that for no reason whatsoever would they interfere with or help me with what I was about to begin, which turned out to be the start of my physical, biological Ascension Process.
We said our goodbyes to one another, gave our Love, Gratitude and deepest thanks to each other and then they went their way and I went mine. This is normal and common and happens many times throughout our lifetimes. Why? Because our Guides and ourselves do the Work needed at that time so that we all can move on and continue growing and creating.
I’ve gone through beloved old Guides leaving me when I was 29, when I was 39, when I was 46, 47, 57 and on and on. This changing of the Guides happened again recently this year which I’ve been expecting because I continue growing, evolving, changing. Don’t mourn the loss of your old beloved nonphysical Guides, Ascension Assistants, ET buddies or even certain Angelic groups, thank them for the Work they did with you, on you, for you so that you could better do your Work. ❤
Earlier this year I once again felt my latest Higher Team diminish, retreat and eventually not be there at all. It’s at these times that I’ve often said in articles how ‘I feel so alone’ or ‘I feel more alone than I ever have before’ etc. And it’s true at those moments and there’s nothing wrong with being on your own for periods; it’s called growing up spiritually and Mastering some more of the NEW things, abilities, awareness and so on and testing how well you can maintain or not maintain those NEW energies within yourself and your current life and reality.
I used to really miss my Higher Team when they’d leave like this, now I know it’s test/initiation time again so get yer stuff together cause here it comes! In my case this latest test/initiation was the entire month of June and a few days into July 2016. It was hard, ugly at times, plus was dangerous at times, but in the end it was as is always the case, freeing and empowering because I did (more) required Inner Work. I “fell” from some of these tests/initiations and landed in old lower emotional muck and filth but nothing brings the point home like “falling” back down into the old stank again and wallowing around in it for as long as one needs to figure it out and get oneself back up and out of it once and for all. One hopes it’s once and for all at least!
What’s really important about this information is that “right” or “wrong”, “good” or “bad”, “failure” or “success” is NOT the point, never has been plus this is Duality consciousness. What is the point is did one do what they needed to at the time and/or elsewhere in “time” past or future so you’d be free from both that old stuff, energies, emotions etc. in the Now Moment which is the HighHeart and also the Ascension timeline? It matters not what or who or how long or how dirty and filthy or difficult or painful the test/initiation was or wasn’t; the only thing that matters is did one dare to do the Inner Work that automatically frees them? That’s it, nothing else matters.
Who Left A Light On?
So, one lives the test/initiation and is changed, further evolved because of it and often times one does this while one’s latest Higher Team has moved on to help someone else, which is part of your current test/initiation because one feels very alone during an extra difficult time.
Typically one “falls” into old lower levels from the past, either physically in very direct ways, and/or one “falls” emotionally from time jumping back into one’s past to do more Inner Work on something there that you either missed or simply need to do much deep Inner Work on now to continue evolving. In my case it was both of these; I had two highly programmed negative sociopathic patriarchal males in my house in June (fence guy and an electrician), plus I had to go back in “time” to do some more and very finalizing Inner Work on me with my only child. My Higher Self has always believed in giving me multiple things to deal with since I’m going to feel miserable, frustrated and sick anyway! 😉 And I finally agree; pile it on baby, let’s get this stuff done once and for all, time’s short after all.
After all this and more that goes with it all, one is bruised and swollen for a bit from all the Inner and Outer battles but what one gains is beyond measure, beyond value. One gains Alchemical change in themselves and therefore their Ascension timeline, and in varying degrees, widens the Ascension road for the rest of humanity coming in later.
Once I’d done the Inner and Outer Work I needed to at that time, I had the much-needed down time to lick my wounds, tally up my hard-earned booty, review how well or how badly I dealt with situations and people, be proud of myself for getting through the test/initiation without any Higher Team members in the sidelines, and then napping my exhausted self as much as I could.
The next thing in line after a big test/initiation is that another Higher Team is assigned to you because you passed said test/initiation. After such a long period with no Higher Team crew around, and after going through such difficult Inner/Outer tests/initiations, the way in which my NEW latest Higher Team manifested for me at that time was so wonderful, so heartening, so comical and I knew they did this on purpose. They put on a show just after the 4th of July (firework insanity here in the USA) at the end of my hallway as the most beautiful higher dimensional, nonphysical, exploding, flashing, sparkling Lightbeings “fireworks” display you can imagine! I just sat there at the other end of the house and watched them put on a higher dimensional fireworks show for me, clearly introducing themselves and letting me know they were here and connected with me for the time-being, congrats on my recent successful tests/initiations, and that depression time is over. I think I’m going to enjoy this NEW crew, I very much appreciated their humor and theatrics. ❤
Do the Work, get filthy if necessary to really get it done down in those deeper levels, crawl up and out again, rest, recuperate, wait for your NEW Higher Team crew to show up, get familiar with the NEW larger you that you’ve become due to your latest tests/initiations. Expect more in the near “future” if needed but don’t feel bad or like you’re failed or any other such nonsense because this is the evolutionary Ascension Process at work in most Forerunners/Starseeds/Pathpavers. Rinse and repeat as many times as necessary and stay Neutral/HighHeart/Now Moment about it all.
The other night in bed in the dark I could see through closed eyes that some bright light was shining and keeping me awake. I laid there for a moment resenting having to get up again to turn off whatever light I’d left on. I opened my eyes and saw that there was no light left on. What I’d seen through closed eyes was the Light I emit. Another perk from latest test/initiation; more Embodied higher Light Energies.
I’ve seen this Light around myself, my physical body many times in July so I’m radiating more “fireworks” myself. Many of us are due to what we’ve gone through this year but certainly throughout June and July so far. The energies have shifted and lifted again which is why I can write about what I’ve experienced. It’s going to get easier for many Forerunners, harder for some others, and really difficult for mass humanity. Stair-steps remember? Even at this we’ve made the Process so much easier and faster for mass humanity yet they’ve still GOT to go through the Process to be changed by it. Like our Higher Teams, ETs, Angelics and Guides do for us, step back out-of-the-way while humanity lives for themselves all they must now to be energetically a close enough match to the Ascension timeline. Be respectful of their journey through their coming Dark Night of the Soul on a planetary level like you’re Higher Team was for you when you went through it. Same same peeps, just all of us standing on different Stair-steps.
As usual there’s much more with periods of clairvoyantly Seeing heavy activity and movements and ongoing transitions of nonphysical beings and old lower energies and god knows what all else moving around in and through my house and life. Out with the old lower and in with more of the NEW higher. This will continue so get used to Seeing and Feeling the unusual, especially as more and more “regular people” enter the Ascension Process Dark Night of the Soul. Old stuff, junk, gunk, lower emotions, patriarchal mental and emotional instability etc. will become epic for a while and it’s up to those who can to embody and radiate the Light and LOVE and not get sucked into the lower frequency drama of the patriarchal “end times”. Expect the unexpected has been my personal lesson of late, plus learn how to not be unhorsed by it when it arrives out of the blue. Sometimes easier said than done of course but do it anyway. 🙂 ❤
Denise Le Fay
July 12, 2016
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