Physical Body Restrictions Created by Your Higher Self

This is another topic that’s well familiar to me but one I realized I’ve not talked about publicly at TRANSITIONS. The subject is about why many of us have built-in safeguards in these incarnations which, from our perspective, seem like miserable physical handicaps, disabilities, or restrictions. Because I was born with scoliosis and have had arthritis in my spine since forever, I’ve had a life of physical pain and things I couldn’t do, but tired damned hard nonetheless.

So why would my Higher Self limit physical Denise this way in this incarnation? I’ve discovered that, had I not had these types of physical restraints imposed upon me in this life and timeline, I would still be doing all those intense physical things I loved so when I was young/younger. But because I did not reincarnate in this life and timeline so I could be that jockey I wanted to be as a kid, or a professional dancer for more years than I actually was, or use my 5′ 2″ female body to landscape people’s yards to resemble my past-life memories of Master Hotei’s temple gardens, or redecorate people’s houses to resemble other of my past-life memories or any other such fun physical stuff, my Higher Self helped keep me on-track in this life by placing some physical limitations on my physical body. And even after all that I’ve still used my small beat-up female physical body as if it were a healthy and very strong 6′ 2″ male body. Sometimes remembering more of one’s past lives lived in opposite sexed bodies doesn’t always make this current life and focus easier. Sometimes this type of past-life memories and energetic integration is supposed to be used in non-physical ways.

To prevent some of us Forerunners/Wayshowers/Starseeds/Lightworkers who specifically incarnated (Volunteered) on Earth now to live and anchor the Ascension Process and its changes from getting happily sidetracked in other fun physical 3D things for all of our lives, our Higher Selves help us by giving us certain physical restrictions or limitations. I know this may sound harsh, cruel, karmic or such but that’s not the case at all — quite the opposite in fact. To help us do what we came to physical Earth now to do, oftentimes our Higher Self will, in some way, deliberately limit our physical body so we cannot permanently go rushing off once back in 3D physicality and become permanently enmeshed in some very physical endeavor… like dancing, or soccer, or building houses, or whatever it is that we’re deeply attracted to once back in a physical body on a physical world.

I mentioned in A Lightworker’s Mission that I could always clairvoyantly See my life up until the age of 40. From that point on it was black to the me I was prior to age 40. This told me that I was working within a tight timeline in this lifetime and that I had until age 40 (actually it was the start of my Uranus Opposition at age 39) to do most of those intense physical things I desired doing. From age 39-on however I was fully on the clock so to speak and there wouldn’t be room or time for me to fool around with certain “normal” physical endeavors like I had prior to age 40. I was and still am grateful that I had those 39 years to try to make my physical body do things it wasn’t designed in this life to do.

A few years ago, I discovered a story by David Icke about the onset of his rheumatoid arthritis. He too had an intense passion for the physical and evidently wanted and had planned on being a professional soccer player when he was young. But his Higher Self had other plans and to help David stay on-track with those plans he too had physical limitations or restrictions placed upon his physical body. I know there are many other Starseeds/Lightworkers/Wayshowers who’ve lived lives in physical bodies that don’t work the way they’d like them to and for the same reasons as mine and David Icke’s. It was to help us do what we came to Earth now to do and that has nothing to do with racing thoroughbred horses, dancing professionally, playing soccer professionally, or physically moving boulders and trees around outside to create the correct energy flow in one’s backyard, or any other such intense physical labors of love, no matter how intense the passion.

So if you’ve found yourself restricted or limited in some way like this, stop and honestly do a Reality Check to get your spiritual bearings again. What at first may seem a terrible and unfair restriction placed upon you in this life, may actually be the very thing that protects you from becoming sidetracked and/or lost your entire Ascension Process lifetime in intense earthy physicality when that’s not why you’re here now at all!  Thanks Higher Self for the personal help and protection.

Denise Le Fay

July 24, 2011

teal copyrightCopyright © Denise Le Fay & TRANSITIONS & HighHeartLife, 2011. All Rights Reserved. 

33 thoughts on “Physical Body Restrictions Created by Your Higher Self

  • I am a starseed who was born with Scoliosis as well. Internal Martial Arts became the catalyst to my enlightenment. I develeped this spiritual disease to transmute it, as part of my awakening. We can heal anything we put our minds and hearts into. Healing our ancestral line is the most sacred work we can do and contributes to raising the frequency of the planet.

  • Thank you so much for bringing up this issue, Denise! I have read this article several times and it still overwhelms me. I understand now, why some things in my life happened as they did!

    I don’t have too bad physical issues but I have had my share of emotional ones and they have served very well in keeping me out of getting too deeply involved with mainstream career and family patterns. They also forced me very early to ask who I am.

    This article inspired me to recall and re-evaluate some very odd choices I have made during my life. After I understood them in the light of my soul’s purpose right now and right here, I was able to appreciate and cherish the love and friendship of a few relationships that I thought I had spoiled because of immaturity/stupidity/you name it – the list can go on forever. After having read this article I feel like I am breaking free of unnecessary quilt and self judgement issues!

    Thank you ever so much!
    – Aya

  • Hello Denise
    Teeth!! seem to be an issue at the moment. I also have had many visits to the dentist, especially in the last 18 months. It seems to be my second home!! Too much sugar and chocolate, candies over the years has affected my teeth badly. (This was, and still is, my way of coping with emotions)

    There is much fear and negativity, at the dentist, from the customers, and the staff are often under pressure and stressed. I feel I have to be there often, if only to bring some quiet, calm, energy. Not easy because I find it an ordeal myself!!. I practise lots and lots of breathing calmly at the dentist.!!

    I feel, as Lightworkers, it is another part of our “work” to be at the dentist/ doctors’, etc to transform the energy in these places..

    And yes, I did enjoy your book “A Lightworkers Mission”, and have passed it on to a friend to read. Though at times I felt scared and marvelled at how you and your Mum coped.

    Your book helped me and my friend to recognise a Reptilian energy recently.
    I find it difficult to reconcile the fact that as we are all connected, and I am trying to come from the heart, not the ego, but when a Darker energy comes forward, looking for help, it seems to go against where we are moving towards. I have been in situations recently where I have had to drop friendships because the energy became very imbalanced.

         Jan xx
  • Our labyrinth is the Higher self`s template:

    Interesting to know how omnisciently versatile the higher self can be.
    After battling for a couple of years in isolation, I thought I could outsmart my higher self by relocating to another state to live with mom & Co. (reversing the cycle at 50); but to my greatest dismay 8hrs after arrival I got up with swollen feet – edema. And for 3months now I had to auto quarantine myself to avoid empathic EMFs; every time we step out people keep asking me questions about my swollen feet/body. So there is no turning back – the higher self works in mysterious ways.

  • Hello, all,

    Well, I will join the crowds of people here who had some limitations around the age of 40. I was very healthy until my early 40s and now some arthritis (not debilitating) and asthma (which can keep me away from crowds and scurrying out of areas filled with perfume and smoke) are keeping me restricted. And, yes, this has allowed me to explore the internet and these areas regarding ascension more fully as well. I feel quite content to be home right now although I’ve been so much out in the world lately. Yesterday was particularly challenging because I had booked a hotel for 6 days and found out they hadn’t read the email and I faced the prospect of being homeless for 5 days (and that would be extremely dangerous here as a foreign woman alone). I fell into fear and self-pity and, if what you’re saying is true, Denise, last night I got what felt like an ascension headache followed by intense sweating then I threw up violently a few times. So, either ascension/purging related or my energy level went down and so my body was attacked. I am recovering fairly quickly though.

    I’m also another one with intense sensitivity to the emotions of others. I’ve learned to deal with it mostly, but, just now for instance in this internet cafe, there was a young gum-cracking girl who cracked her gum louder when I asked her to stop on my left and a lovely woman and man with a new baby showing them to someone on the internet and there was so much love. The girl eventually left, but it transformed her as well. Very cool watching the transformation work from outside myself.


  • Hello Denise
    I have never “blogged” on the internet before and now it’s twice in one day!!
    It’s good to be a social butterfly,how beautiful!! We are emerging from the chrysalis into what we are truly meant to be,,a winged spirit with the ability to fly, float and take beauty wherever we travel!!.

    Also Denise I bought your book “A Lightworkers’ Mission” earlier in the year about April /May time..

    It clarified for me something I had witnessed, just a few weeks prior. I couldn’t understand what it was. I also saw a tube reaching down from heaven. It was at an angle at approximately 2.00clock, on the clock face, don’t know the angle!! It was coming down from right to left. It looked to me like one of those elevators you see on the outside of buildings.

    Thanks for your kind comments to the other bloggers
    Love Jan xx

    • Jan,

      I’m glad you’re inspired to share in Comments at TRANSITIONS. Keep it up. 🙂

      Thanks for buying A Lightworker’s Mission and I hope you enjoyed it. Yes the sky tubes phenomenon is something to see clairvoyantly and congratulations on perceiving them.

      I’ve read a bit about them from Barbara Hand Clow and another Crop Circle investigator whose name escapes me now. These transparent energy tubes are often used to transmit or transport higher dimensional blueprints/architecture (six dimensional morphogenic geometric energy blueprints/architecture) into this dimension. They often become visible within this dimension as “crop circles” or formations. I also believe they help increasing numbers of people to expand their consciousness to perceive a little bit better beyond the old lower polarized consciousness box.


  • Hi Denise, that was an awesome post and thank you so much for that. It was exactly what I needed to see and it put things into perspective. I too have major back problems, surgery, and more needed and it’s put so many physical restrictions on me and OMG it’s so easy to go into self-pity sometimes because there are so many things I would love to be doing and just can’t.

    By the way, is there something extra happening “out there” right now? I have been totally exhausted since Saturday, like I ran a marathon, and my husband is too. No matter how much rest or down time, we can’t seem to shake it.
    Again, thanks for your post Denise and thanks to everyone for their comments. xoxo
    Love Pat

    • chrysalis5 – Pat,

      I’ve been having this new layer of profound exhaustion and weakness too but for many months now. And it doesn’t matter how much rest, how many naps, how much “down time” I get…the profound exhaustion and physical muscle weakness (and other body pains plus head/skull Crown chakra pains) are there. Over the past two weeks I’ve had two teeth extracted – cost me nearly $400. and I’m not done yet!!! – and that extra body trauma and pain is putting this over-the-top. I’m just trying to recuperate and heal these extractions with zero fuel in my tank.

      Oh, and the other current thing is that the Dark Ones (in a variety of forms) are hanging around like the huge energy vultures they are trying, waiting, ever-ready to feed on me energetically IF I allow myself to “fall” vibrationally by becoming emotionally imbalanced – aka pissed off, angry, resentful etc. etc. There literally is NO room to mess up and fall out of the higher protection of the Eye of the Storm and reenter the chaotic outer Storm; these Dark and now VERY hungry energy vultures are right there ready to feed off of me/you/anyone who lets themselves get out of emotional/mental balance again. As their ability to feed off of us diminishes as it’s been doing now since Nov. 2010, they’re ever vigilant in trying to get an energy meal wherever they can now so we’ve all got to learn to maintain the Higher Heart Consciousness and Path no matter what…or be fed upon every time we “fall” a bit back into lower behaviors, lower consciousness, lower emotions, lower expectations etc. Talk about an Initiation!

      The “something extra happening out there” you mentioned is many things actually.

      It’s simply 2011 and we’re rushing towards the end of the Mayan calendar – the end of this lengthy Evolutionary Cycle and all that’s been created during it.
      It’s the final Ninth Wave and everything that’s ever been since dirt was created is currently being integrated and transmuted as we complete and exit it.
      The “Prototypers” – aka the Starseeds – are always the first ones to live, within themselves and their physical bodies, the NEW energies, the NEW blueprints, the NEW DNA changes, the NEW everything. We’ve been doing a new level of this since March 2011 with more and more of us being activated or coming online with the NEW higher Divine blueprints or “architecture” as Lisa Renee calls it.
      2011 is for many of us twofold in that the old negative systems, reality, body architecture and everything is being replaced with NEW “architecture” on every level. Hence why the Dark Ones are now much more frantic to feed wherever they can. We’re extra exhausted due to embodying (“prototyping”) the NEW body and reality blueprints (“architecture”) while simultaneously being fed upon by the Dark Ones IF AND WHEN we lower our focus or emotions at all.
      If you’re sensitive and most of us are, then you’re also feeling the massive lower frequency anger, fear, hatred, and extreme polarity everywhere emanating from people around the world over the money business. This is only going to get worse as reality and old familiar beliefs and habits disintegrate…so that everyone can be free finally. But most won’t, don’t see it like this so there’s massive fear and anger now over $$$ and the bogus “security” the masses have been brainwashed into believing it gives them. Materialism as god is dying right now and because this problem is what the patriarchal world and reality is built upon, it could get hairy n’ scary for a while as the masses are forced to change/evolve/get free from the Dark Ones in all ways.

      Thanks Pat for giving me the opportunity to cover some of this here. 🙂
      ♥ Hugs,

  • “We can be physically isolated from community but still be content within ourselves.”

    “Friends come and go because there may have been a lesson to be learned or some information to be shared before we go our separate ways. I accept this now where once, it upset me.”

    @Jan – oh, and how! I was raised an only child (didn’t have a half sibling until I was out of college), was completely between generations (all my cousins are 8 years older or younger), and neighbors as I grew up mostly went to different schools than I for various reasons, so was pretty isolated even though I grew up in a big city. And even once I got to college, definitely a lot of feeling of being more of an observer/alone in a crowd. Would happily go in and out of groups (a teacher once chastised me for being a “social butterfly” – I was upset that he couldn’t see that it was a GOOD thing that I didn’t restrict myself to the boundaries of the school cliques and therefore didn’t exclude/make fun of anyone!). Nontheless, always felt weird I couldn’t find my “place” like others seemed to/that none of it would totally stick. And so yes, have had to learn that lesson about the coming and going of friends etc. without it causing the pain that it used to. As I’ve opened up to the fact that my little ghostlike appearances into society (now you see her/now you don’t) are part of my “job”, I’ve noticed and appreciated the little things I do in those brief interactions that have really changed things for some folk. In little ways (“oh, I didn’t know about that!”), but ways that nontheless seem to open their eyes about possibilities/things they had never thought of/didn’t know which direction to explore before. So, yup, still a butterfly, but realizing that it means that I carry not only my own transformation WITH me, but that’s also the message/gift that I’m spreading to others, even if only for a brief moment before I, too, have to “scurry back home” 😉

  • Hello Denise
    I also have felt isolated, and lonely,, for most of my life,, 57 years, until the last couple of years, having done what most lightworkers have done, much inner work,, releasing, transmuting,
    Isolation is a state of mind, a feeling. an emotion. . We can feel isolated within a group or crowd of people. We can feel lonely within a large family, as I felt even though I am the oldest of 5 siblings. We can be physically isolated from community but still be content within ourselves.
    Though I live in a busy neighbourhood surrounded by friendly neighbours,, I feel content and happy, with my garden and plants, my cat, watching the clouds, line dancing. .
    As with other lightworkers I have been energetically removed from everything, family, job.

    When I venture out into my community for food shopping, dancing classes, etc, I feel I have to scurry back home as fast as possible.
    Friends come and go because there may have been a lesson to be learned or some information to be shared before we go our separate ways. I accept this now where once, it upset me. I understand how this process works!!

     I have much respect for those who have had physical limitations to deal with as well as ascension symptoms. For the Ascension symptoms have been enough to deal with on their own!!

    Thank you for your posts Denise. It really helps to know that there are many more on the same wavelength.

             With gratitude, and love  for all your posts and information 
             Jan xxx
  • Ditto to Cheryl and Yvonne – I have finally come to the conclusion that everything is what it is – for this moment. I do have a couple of friends that I have had for a lifetime – but I think that is b/c we live far apart and only communicate here and there. I am very different from them and while we love one another, I think if we were to literally spend some time together, it may be our last time together as well. We may chat, but I know we would begin to distance and eventually lose contact. Literally losing most of my family to death in a very short period accented this. Maybe it is part of our remembering, our training. But, I have finally learned at age 54, to never take for granted anything – b/c it can be gone in a heartbeat. Friends come and go, and like you I have spent time trying to figure out my responsibility in this – and taken responsibility – only to have them move on. I have finally given up – not taking responsibility and working on my own personal growth, but given up being concerned about what they are going to do – which, for me, has been a good thing. I continue to try to be the best me I can be, but know that people may come and go no matter. Sometimes I think if we could talk things thru better that would help; and while I am willing, many, unless very conscious, are willing to risk going to the depth of honesty and realness required to keep a good relationship alive. Just my thoughts…

    I meant to say – i have finally given up – not GIVEN UP ON taking responsibility and working on my own personal growth…..

  • Thanks Denise and for everyone who has shared their stories and journey’s.

    @ Yvonne I particularly resonate with you on comment about ‘repelling’ people. I have the same issue that has played out in my life over and over again. People just don’t stick to me. I often wonder if it’s because of something I do or how I am being or if I have bonding issues from childhood. But as I get older (33) I feel it is more apart of the ascension process and being an indigo energy and perhaps always was. Like you say, I am careful to be very self-honest and have also done a lot of personal development work but it seems that I can’t form bonds very well and this creates isolation.

    I have also moved countries in 2006 and now live a very isolated life, mostly of my choosing but with very few family or friends around me.

    @Cheryl the strength and courage that shines through your words is incredible. Thank you for inspiring me.

  • Dear Denise,

    I am Chiron and he is me, we have absolutely nothing in common with the guy that I’d hoped that; one day I’d be. For once I was a supreme athlete and a passionate professional engineer, that was until; my body, career and wellbeing was decimated by 30+ years of medical incompetence and hypocrisy on a monumental scale.

    That being said and as a mortal, I could have done with significantly less pain than I’ve actually experienced during the entirety of my life, and yet of all the people I’ve met, seen or shared my life with there isn’t anyone else I’d rather be. But that isn’t to say I’m narcissistic, indeed far from it you see; I’m also my worst critic too at times, which is all part of my own necessary and evolutionary mortal checks and balances and I’m more than happy they’re part of my overall spirituality.

    However I believe that life is for living and shouldn’t just be about; struggle, surviving or feeling other people’s pain. It should be about laughter, love and about all the great things that actually makes light-workers contributions, so unreservedly special. And by that I mean personally value adding not only to mankind as a whole, but to the soul who’s prepared to walk so many hard yards in faith only and what’s more very often alone.

    In summation I’ve heard it said many times that life is like a box of chocolates etc, etc, etc and yet I’m not really sure what that means. But if it is, then I’m the first to admit that I certainly need a good telling off. For in my rush to grab my own box of chocolates for this life I must have inadvertently picked someone else’s up. And there after have spent my entire life eating Turkish delight when I’d much rather have been eating; hazelnut whirls and orange creams booooooooooooooooo ha ha 🙂

    Thank you Denise, yet another thought provoking post, which I feel sure will continue to resonate with many mortals coming to terms with their own unique spirituality 🙂

  • Dear Denise:

    Your posts are extraordinarily validating. Thank you from my heart and thanks, too, to all who post here. When I was young (early 60’s now) I was a very good athlete and wanted to be a phys. ed. teacher. In the summer holidays of my last year of high school, while working as a chambermaid, I herniated discs in my lower back and the dream ended. Looking back I can honestly say I was glad to be kept away from the world of academia. Next, I wanted to be a journalist, but in my first year at university I refused to do any “news” reporting — all car accidents and sexual assaults — and thus failed the course. Then I was accepted for law and decided at the last minute I could not be a lawyer and be ethical at the same time — strange decision to say the least. And now I work at home and keep to myself, I hope holding the love and light energy for the area in which I live. Again, thank you. Your posts are a true “life line”.

  • Hi Denise,

    I have a different perspective on this. I am 54 and really ridiculously healthy except for ascension symptoms when they hit, but I think for a reason as well. Two things have stood out in my life – I never had the desire for a child, as I was really just selfish about my own time and wasn’t willing to give that up. I’ve always needed a lot of alone time to just stare at the clouds and listen to the birds and daydream. And I’ve also gotten to the point where I couldn’t care less if I ever have a man in my life again (alas I do and can’t get rid of him! I’m afraid I’ve become very distant these past few years LOL) 2nd, I moved to 2 different states at earlier times in my life, and yet after a few years I always felt pulled back here to the area where I grew up – I just felt in my bones that I needed to be here. So oddly enough I ended up buying a house almost directly below my mother’s house as the crow flies by 2 miles (she’s on top of a hill, I’m in the valley) and as she was an avid gardener and her mother was as well, so am I. I feel like I need to be out in my gardens and woods and that Mother Earth was calling me here. So I think my energy is amplified by my love for the outdoors and that it was needed here. It feels right, anyway!

    BTW, here’s an interesting development you all might be interested in – you know how we’re told that what we are creators and will get back what we expect, i.e. if you think you’re broke, you are broke. Well the silliest thing I’ve been experimenting with is my parking space at work. I decided to just EXPECT one of the coveted 20 spots on the ground floor (rather than the old top of the garage I used to get at 9:00) and for two weeks now, I’ve gotten one every day! 🙂

    Love to all – things are getting better and symptoms as well, yea!!!


  • How true, how intriguing, …………
    I was born with a short beak and after 45yrs of toiling/agony I miraculously found an elixir which virtually moved me to basics – 80% capability. Nevertheless, this handicap became the beacon – motivation factor to my enlightenment/spiritual path. But, strange enough this bonanza lasted just 2yrs where I was moved to the next phase of my journey despite vehement resistance applying ESP tools; I was kind of quarantined, cut off from human experience, isolated making it impossible to enjoy my healed beak ha ha ha. And the dilemma continues with my records (Akasha) temporally unavailable 2yrs running further keeping me away from inteference. And so it is – the dance keeps changing tracts.

  • Thank you so very, very much for this post. I have often thought this many times about the physical limitations that I’ve had over my lifetime that have “kept me down on the farm” – but I do fully realize that had I NOT been “kept down” – I would have been running around all OVER the place doing who knows what that would not have served my purpose right now. I’ve also realized that it gives OTHER people around me an excuse that THEY understand for why I’m not more “normal” in my activity level – ie, they are used to my not participating in all kinds of things because of my restrictions, otherwise, I’d just be coming across as petulant and anti-social (or bat shit crazy – sorry, can’t come to your ______ because I’m busy dealing with an ascension upgrade that’s kicking my ass right now LOL 😉 And I really also resonate with what Yvonne was saying regarding having children through all of this. I was fiercely depressed after I had my son in ’02 at age 33, partially because of how pregnancy/postpartum worsened my physical restrictions, partially because of how even MORE landlocked I felt being a stay-at-home-mom (though that was fully my choice), and then how awful I felt at not being able to “do” for my son because of my physical issues. So much time on the couch, so much time not even being able to read to him or play a simple game with him. I had wanted to homeschool, but with my particular restrictions and his NEED to be more physical/outside, there was no way I could. So fast forward through a lot of reworking EVERYTHING to simplify even more than I thought possible, miraculously finding an awesome school for him, having three miscarriages along the way, I finally had my dd at age 39 in ’09 (yeah – that 39 thing seems to be sticking out here, eh? LOL). While I had to be on a lot of bedrest through the pregnancy, I was nontheless healthier and MORE vibrant during and after than I had been 6 years earlier with my son. NO postpartum depression either. And while I still have physical limitations, the biggest part has been the shift in my mind/spirit set not so much of what I can’t do – but of what my limitations are only doing to serve as a reminder of what I really SHOULDN’T be doing if I don’t want to get distracted from what I really came here to do. As long as I remember that these limitations are actually trying to HELP me, then it’s easier to go with the flow. It’s also extremely helpful to remind myself that both of my kids CHOSE me and KNEW what my limitations were well before they incarnated with me as their mom. So, while I still through the occasional human “woe is me” pissy party for myself when I’m in a low spot, I’m sooooooooooooooo much better off than I was back in the early to late 90’s when this whole Ascension thing really first took off for me. And as much as I’d like for ALL of my limitations to just go AWAY, dammit, if I’m really honest with myself, I also know that I don’t think I’m totally ready (just yet, anyway 😉 for the freedom/responsibility of managing not getting distracted by the 3D physical possibilities if those limitations were suddenly gone. Thanks again, Denise, for helping us all through this wild ride.

  • Great post.

    I just want to add that sometimes you can vhoose again. An illness does not have to be permanent.

    I was also “stopped” at 39 with severe rheumatoid arthritis. I awakened, and am now choosing to heal my body. I can be healthy, run AND do my work here in these times.

    Love and blessing to all


  • Aloha Denise, Thanks for bringing this up. I too have developed rehumatoid arthritis the last three years and it has limited my work a great deal. It keeps me out of the spas and in my own private practice where the emphasis is on one on one healing and not seeing how many cleints I can do in one day. if I didn’t have it I would probably try to do the spa thing even though I don’t like it for the money. However, I hope I planned something to support myself with in my soul plan.

  • Thank you Denise. I actually thought I was on this path alone. It wasn’t til my incident that I had time to stay home and discovered over the internet all of these things happening and to so many people now. A whole new world opened up. I really enjoy reading your what you write 🙂

    I have a lot to be thankful for, and I may seem broken on the outside, but I’ve never felt more whole and happy and focused.

  • Hi Denise….wow…you were telling my story there…..until I was about 39 exactly the same..then a myrid of neurological symptoms stopped my in my tracks….and the journey began…..and the same words…we need to slow you down…..know them so well……….

    Thanks carol………..

  • Thank you, Denise. I really relate to this and some from a physical standpoint(huge food allergies and hypoglycemia), but also from an emotional one too. I cannot be around certain people and or situations without having very intense emotional reactions come through me, like depression or anger. These emotions come up like I am channeling them and they feel like a nightmare. I am extremely sensitive to energy. It is not like these people or situations are “bad” that I have come incontact with (although some might have been), it is just this barometer that has kept me from doing too much and being around a lot of people. I also seem to have this “defect” (gift) which bounces people off of me like I have a repeling magnet on me. I would meet someone and become friends and I would be so happy to have a friend and then they just fade away and disappear for no reason or they get angry or have something in which I become the scapegoat. This has happened to me my WHOLE life (as a child I was always the weird kid even though I moved a lot, it was always the same wherever I went) and I am almost forty, but this last year the knob on the barometer has been cranked up and I feel I have been given a shock treatment that is saying to me—“STAY PUT AND JUST DO NOTHING!”. This has been hard for me and I have felt so alienated and estranged from the human race and I have tried so hard to understand it and have done all kinds of inner work. From the twelve steps (which I started when I was nineteen) to therapy to yoga and other spiritual practices. And I have been very honest with myself and can find no reason why this would happen, but for some kind of “gift” although it has always felt like a curse. So painful. Especially now that I have a child(soon to be another) and I think I should be more involved and do more things in the world with him, but I tried that and it literally almost killed me. Part of it is sometimes the dark ones interferring, but also there is this protection and just this year I have become more grateful for it and can see how my child (who is a lightworker too) is benefiting from this isolation. But we are not really isolated. We have huge gardens with every lind of elf and fairy and gnome and then there are the goats and chickens and ducks who live with us too! The flowers and plants and trees can get their messages across to me much easier and the land spirits too. This pregnancy I feel I am being cared for by these beings compared with my other pregnancy where I was so lonely and trying so hard to connect with other moms and helpers and I ended up so depressed and feeling more lonely than I ever had in my life even though I had the most people in it then. And I want to say the bar has been raised even higher. I can not mess around because the reactions to doing too much and being around too many people are so much bigger now. I really appreciate all of you sharing these same things and helping me to feel stronger in my mission here. And thank you, Denise for sharing this space to do so. LOVE to all of you.

  • Dear Denise,

    Thank you for the reminder. I have actually been more sidetracked by the “why can’t I…” lately … in fact even this morning I saw a piece on television about Cirque du Soleil and their costume builders. I started to cry and asked my husband where I turned off of that path … I should have been a costume designer making those beautiful costumes for someone — Cirque du Soleil or some other theatre company. He tried to reassure me that I wasn’t on the wrong path but didn’t really have the right words … but this message from you are the words he needed. I remember all those beautiful Elizabethan gowns and Baroque hats and Egyptian gauzy, delicately pleated kalasiris. But my energy levels and stress levels (how odd that as stress goes up energy goes down! why can’t we just rechannel the energy expense???) will not allow me to participate in theatre any more. And so, I pretend, as my mother did when she could no longer swing on grapevines (really no joke she did that), I just don’t “want” to any more.

    Anyway, once again you are in tune with what needs to be said when it needs to be said… thank you for your continued guidance!



  • I’ve been on the ascension path since 2001. In 2010 I was involved in an injury where I lost my legs. I’ve often asked why I would go down this path when all I ever wanted to be was the best that I could. It’s like I was taken out of one timeline and placed in another where it was time to get down to the real work. I do admit, I’ve gone through this transition with ease and grace and my life has become simple. Old habits, friends, things that didn’t matter all seemed to fade away leaving me plenty of room to focus on whats important. I am told from within that what happened to me in 2010 death experience was directly related to my awakening in 2001 that triggered my kundlaini awakening. So is this tragedy or a gift?

    • Cheryl,

      Oh ♥ hugs to you for such a massive and life-altering lesson/gift/learning/teaching.

      Yes some of us, myself included, would have run (yes I choose the word “run” intentionally) screaming in the opposite direction had I/Denise fully known about all of the darkness, evil, pain and suffering I would endure because of my undying need to help people free themselves from the Dark and step back into the Light. So our Higher Selves keep certain information, knowledge and memories from us so we can more easily get through what we need to get through in a shorter span of 3D time.

      Personally I think loosing your legs was both a “tragedy and a gift” because that is High Heart Unity Consciousness. Do you know what all you can spiritually teach others based on what you’ve learned from all you’ve gone through due to your tragedy/gift/gift/tragedy? Do you realize that you ARE the “the best that you could be”? despite the external package not looking or functioning like society tells all of us it should? I’ve often had this lecture with myself over the past 13 Ascension years and it’s a hard one to honestly and fully accept.

      All I can tell you is how much I admire your strength and determination to ascend/evolve at any cost. This is Unity Consciousness and your Higher Self helping you to “be the best that I could” in this life and timeline. You’re doing it and so much more.

      ♥ Hugs of Gratitude and Respect,

  • thank-you Denise ❤ I too wanted nothing more than to be with racehorses and I cursed god that my body couldn't do what I wanted 😦 I understand what you are saying and it brought tears to my eyes ❤ I must go and process this now ❤ thank-you very much indeed ❤ ❤ ❤

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